Inseparable: An Introduction

Two weeks ago I started an early morning Bible study.  It is something I have been thinking about for several months.  When I came back from the Declare Conference last August, I felt like there were two things I needed to accomplish.  Write 31 Days in October on what He had been teaching me from Psalm 139.  (I did that.  Check.). Lead a Bible study.

I wrestled with that one for awhile.   It wasn't that I was opposed to doing it.  But right when I returned was when I got back into the swing of a new school year.  Every year is busy, especially at the beginning.  This year seemed double other years for some reason.  Maybe it is because my kids are old enough now to be involved in activities, and there was an increase in chauffeuring.  Maybe it was because of some additional responsibilities and expectations at school this year.  Maybe it is because of some additional tutoring that I do at home.  Or maybe I was just making excuses.  

Anyway, the idea of doing a Bible study never went away.  It kept popping up in my mind, day to day, week to week.  But how?  When?  Then it hit me.  Maybe I could do an early morning Bible study.  Who said it has to be in the evening?  I liked this idea.  But would anybody else be interested in meeting at 6:00 in the morning?  I began praying over who would also want to do this with me.  

Then the was the question of what to study.  I had asked several people if they had any ideas.  Suggestions were given, and I checked them out.  None of them felt right though.  One day I was shuffling some things around, and a book literally fell at my feet.  I picked it up and smiled.  In the chaos that followed my return from Declare, I forgot all about this book.  Inseparable: Who I Am, Was, and Will Be in Christ by Ashley Linne.  I spent more than a month writing about how God made me perfectly and how I can set my anxieties and insecurities aside because of my completeness in Him.  This book, covering Paul's letter to Romans, seemed to be a pretty good follow up.

The next morning during my study and prayer time, I asked God if this was what He wanted.  I felt like I got affirmation.  On a leap of faith--before I had a single person definitely committed to meeting with me--I ordered five copies.  No backing out now!

Fast forward to two weeks ago, we had our first meeting.  We were all a little nervous.  Even when you know everyone, it still is hard to get a new group going.  But I thought it went well.  (They must have all thought so too because they all came back for week two!)

Following are some quotes and stand out moments from the Introduction.  

The opening paragraph grabbed me.  The author Ashley quoted a pastor she knew as saying, "When you study the Bible, you're spending time getting to know a person, not just reading a book."  Wow.  I love that.  It is so true.  The reason I love reading my Bible every day is because of what it teaches me about God and how I relate to Him and how to be more like Him.  I really am getting to know a person.

Another concept that stood out to me from the introduction is the acknowledgment that we are not all in the same place.  Some of us have a lot of time to give, and some of us don't.  Some of us have a vast knowledge of Bible theology, and some of us are just getting our feet wet.  She suggests, "I want to encourage you to do what you can with what you've got right now... what pleases God is our coming to Him in faith that He loves us and wants to interact with us.  And I promise you--even a little bit of time spent in God's Word can change your life.  It may be just a very slight, almost unnoticeable change.  But it will be change, and even the slightest adjustment in your walk with Him can set the course of your life."

A third idea I liked was the encouragement to do something with what He is teaching you.  Our output may look different from person to person, but we should act on what He is telling us.  Aside from meeting with a group of ladies to discuss what we are learning, I also want to put it into words and share it with my digital community.  Not everybody loves the idea of breakfast Bible study, so this is a way I can share what I am learning and for you to read on your own time.

(Shout out to Britta Ellis Lafont for inspiring me to blog along with the study!)

*****

The opinions in this post are my own, and I am in no way getting compensated for writing about this book.

What's Your Story?

     What's your story?  I know you have one.  How has God worked in your life?  How have all the pieces--good and bad--worked together to bring you to Him?  As I was flipping through some old journals tonight, I realized that I haven't shared my testimony through this format.  Now seemed a good time to do that.

I encourage you to share your story with someone today.  You never know how much they may need to hear your story of God's faithfulness.



*****

     My grandparents had been high school sweethearts before they got married.  My mom and dad had also been high school sweethearts.  I thought that was so sweet and so romantic.  I was sure that would be my story too.  From the time that I started dating, I looked at every guy I met to assess if he would be the guy I would end up marrying.  I was a girl looking for that special someone. 
    All through junior high and high school, I never felt like I really belonged.  Even when I was with my closest friends, I felt like I was on the fringes of the group.  I so desperately wanted to belong, to feel accepted just as I was. 
    By the time I was 17, I began seeking God.  My family had fallen away from regular church attendance, I had started to miss it.  I heard of a new church that was starting, and I felt completely drawn to that.  It's something I can only attribute to God.  I went the first day they had service.  By myself.  As a 17-year-old girl who did not know a single person there.  That could only be God pushing me there!
    I got very involved and felt accepted.  I got baptized pretty quickly, although I don't think I truly understood what that meant at that time.  I remember meeting with Pastor Randy Smith.  Over a Coke at McDonald's, he nervously shared with me that he had never baptized anyone before.  I told him that it was okay because I had never been baptized before.
    So I had this dichotomy in my life....a new found faith and a near obsessive desire to be loved and accepted.  Although I've always been a "good girl," my need to fill that emptiness inside me was so strong that I found myself doing things I never intended to do.
    I was 21 when I got married.  Brad seemed to be a good guy, although he had more red flags in his past than you can imagine.  He loved me, and I loved him.  And I thought that would be enough.  In retrospect, there were so many things that I overlooked before we were married.  It didn't take very long before our marriage fell apart.  I saw a personality emerge in him that I did not know existed.  There was tension, manipulation, and emotional abuse almost from the beginning.  What made it even harder for me was that he had a deceptively charming public face.  I didn't think anyone would believe me... and I couldn't talk about it anyway.  I didn't believe it myself most of the time.
    When we got divorced was the most emotionally difficult time of my life.  I was broken and so ashamed of how I had been treated and where I had ended up.  How could this be my life?  Divorced at the age of 23.  My family and close friends were completely supportive of me.  But in so many ways, I felt more alone than I ever had been. 
    This is when my relationship with God really started.  I look at that part of my life as "Just me and God."  I began talking to Him because I didn't know where else to turn.  This is when I first started reading my Bible regularly and beginning to memorize Scripture.  He began to show me how that longing I had always felt, that emptiness inside, was Him calling my name.  I now know that the only thing that can fill that void in my heart is God Himself.
    Eventually I began to feel human again.  Even after getting divorced, I really felt like I was meant to be married and to be a mom.  The desire had changed though from trying to find someone to fill my holes to trying to find who God wanted me for my partner, my friend.
    I am so blessed and very grateful that God allowed Todd to come into my life.  I was damaged goods when he met me, and he never gave up on me.  There were many, many times when he got blamed for something Brad had done years before, but he stuck by me, telling me that he wasn't like that, and we would work through it.  I don't often give him enough credit, but I would not be the Christian woman I am today without his love and support.
    One of the best things Todd and I ever did was find a church where we both felt like it was home. 
From the sermons, Sunday school, Bible studies to all the people we call friends, God continues to work in me, showing the next step and the next step. 
    I have come so far and learned so much since that time.  I just always wanted to be loved and accepted for who I am and to feel like I belonged.  I found what I was looking for in God.  He promised in Philippians 4:19 that He would supply ALL our needs.  He supplies my need to feel loved and accepted, and I know that I belong to Him.

    

But If Not

After a long day at school last week, I was driving home in the dark.  I wrote about this one other time, but I get a little anxious driving that road at nighttime.  There are a wooded areas and a lot of fields that I drive past-- the perfect combination to spot some form of wildlife crossing the road.

So I prayed these words, like I have so many other times:  

Father God,

Please protect me from any inattentive, unaware, distracted drivers on the way home, including myself.  Also, please protect me from any animals wanting to cross right now.  Thank you, in advance, for delivering me home safely.  Amen.

Much to my surprise a few minutes later, I was greeted by a doe leaping across the highway.  I slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting her.

                                       Photo by Amy Tuley

I missed hitting the deer.  I was safe.  She was safe.  No harm done.  But it got me to thinking...

Although I was surprised to see the deer, God did protect me.  That is the first time I have seen an animal in my path since I started praying that prayer.  But He did protect me.  I didn't hit it.  The timing was perfect.  If I had been five or ten seconds further down the road or going faster than I was, then I would have unavoidably made contact.  

But what if it turned out differently?  What if I had hit the deer?  

Would that mean God doesn't listen to my prayers?  Should I stop praying that prayer or for protection from other things that might go wrong?  Would it mean that God loved me any less than before I hit the deer?

No, no, no.  A resounding no to all of those questions.

I believe God hears our prayers, every single one.  I also believe He answers every single one.  I do not believe that His answer will always be "Yes."  There is a reason why He is God...and I am not.  Just because I pray for something fervently does not mean it is good for me.  Maybe God has something better planned for me that I cannot see yet.  Maybe the answer is "No" because my reason for wanting it is selfish or impure.

Is it selfish or impure to want to get home safely without incident?  I don't think it is.  God delivered me home safely that night and so many others....

But if not?  Maybe He would use me to witness to the auto mechanic fixing the van.   Or a doctor or nurse who might be taking care of any injuries I sustained.  I know that God works all things for good for those who are called according to His purpose.  Even if I cannot see the good works of His mighty hand, it doesn't mean He stopped doing them.

But if not?  Those three little words remind me of some big-time faith heroes in the Bible.  You know the ones.  When faced with the choice between worshipping a worldly statue or being condemned to death, they chose the hard choice, the godly choice.   Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego would not bow to the idol; their faith made them stand strong.  They said God would protect them from the fiery furnace.  But if not?   They still wouldn't bow down.  Nothing would take them away from worshipping the one and only true God, not even death itself.

Dear God,

I pray that I might have faith like Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego.  I pray that no matter what circumstances I face--whether it be a deer in the road or something more dire--that I would stand strong.

But if not?  I know You hear me and You love me.  Your love is unchanging.  You do protect me from obstacles I can see in front of me, but, more importantly, from the ones I cannot see.  You have a plan bigger than anything I can ever imagine, a plan that is far more-reaching than my own little viewpoint, a perfect plan.  Thank you for taking my fears and for giving me strength far greater than my own.  

In Jesus's name.  Amen.

Renew

During the first couple of days of 2016, I saw a lot of people posting about their #oneword for the year. Although I had a word for 2015, I hadn't given any thought to a word for this year.  Last year my word was "Now."  The meaning was twofold for me.  The first was a call to action, as in "Do it now."  I wanted to work on my tendency to put off unpleasant tasks.  I still have a long way to go in fighting this battle, but I do feel like I have made some growth in this area.  The second meaning was a reminder:  God has the power, and He can do immeasurably more than we can ask or even imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21).  When I am lost, stuck, fretting, fearful...God has the power.  He can handle whatever situation I find myself in.  All I have to do is let Him.

I mulled over the idea of keeping "Now" for my word.  It just didn't feel right.  As I went about my daily living, I had this feeling like I needed a focus word, but I had no idea what it should be.  In one quiet, almost desperate moment, my heart whispered, "God, do you have a word for me this year?"  

I think I was almost afraid to ask.  What if He said no?  But what if he said yes?  What does He see me needing to work on?  Do I really want to know?

The answer came, rather swiftly.  Not in a whisper and not in a whirlwind.  But I knew it was from Him.

RENEW.

This response made me sing on the inside.  Renew.  It is perfect for how I have been feeling.  Renew.  I should have known that my God could do no less than give me a individualized, tailored word just for my own unique circumstances.  

He is not calling me to a place halfway around the world.  He is not calling me to a new career or to be something that I am not.  He is calling me to the life He has already given me.  This is the place where He wants me to be right now.  He is calling me to look around and take notice of what is around me.  Do what I am already doing, but make it new again.  Refine it, develop my skills, take hold of my life, own it.

What if I looked at everything in my life with the same joy that I experience when I begin to see winter rolling out and spring start popping up all over?  I could renew the areas in my life in the same way that trees bud out with new leaves.  Be the same me, but with a newness and a freshness that is exciting to behold.

RENEW.

For me, renew is abut a fresh start each day.  Renew my time with God and with His Word each day.   I feel like that time had become routine and lackluster.  I was rushing through so I could get to the next thing.  Approaching God's throne as a task on my checklist instead of a personal invitation to sit at the feet of the One who made me.  

One Sunday afternoon, I happened on to a couple of quiet hours at my house while Todd took the kids to the farm.  I poured a cup of coffee and opened my Bible.  I was so hungry for some quality time with my Savior that I sat there for nearly two hours reading and reflecting.  Wow.  I so needed that.

RENEW.

I found three verses that really spoke to me about the idea of renewal.  I may end up writing about all three of them at some point.  The one that resonated most has long been a favorite.  Psalm 51:10 tells us, "Create in me a clean heart, O God; renew a right spirit within me."

in this year, I am seeking to renew myself.  Renew my heart, soul, mind, and body.

New Beginnings

Yesterday my brother-in-law and his very lovely bride started a new chapter in their lives.  They are moving to the far side of the country.  Both of them were born in small towns in the middle of our state.  Neither of them has lived in another state, and they haven't done a whole lot of traveling either.  They are young.  They are adventurous.  They are ready for some new experiences in their lives.  I get that.  I really do.

We went to church with them weekend before last.  It was his last Sunday to lead worship there, and we wanted to be there to support him.  Can I just tell you?  I was a mess.  Before Andy had played a note or spoken a word, my eyes welled up and the first of many tears rolled down my cheek.  With everything having been so busy, that was the first moment for me to really process that they were moving away.  Really, really far away.

Honestly, it is not like we have seen them a lot anyway.  Other than major holidays and birthdays, we have not spent much time with them.  But when we are together...our families have a good time.   And my children absolutely completely adore Uncle Andy and Aunt Lauren.  Seth spent all day at Thanksgiving wrestling with Uncle Andy.  A dream come true for an eight-year-old boy.  Hannah spends every minute on Aunt Lauren's lap, playing with her beautiful long brown hair.  Or letting Aunt Lauren play with her own hair.  They love all their aunts and uncles, of course, but these two have captured little hearts in a very special way.



So we are sitting in worship, and I keep thinking about how much Andy and Lauren are going to be missed.  They are moving far enough away that they won't be able to come back for every major holiday or child's birthday party.  I really don't know how much or when they will be able to visit home...or when we will be able to visit them.

At the end of the service, Andy shared some things about his life, and how he never expected to be working in a church.  But there he was.  He talked about how much he had grown in his faith and as a person in the last two years.  One day over the summer, he was in a meeting with the pastor and some other people.  He was getting ready to pray, and someone prayed the exact things he was thinking.  Someone else followed it up with exactly where Andy would have gone next.  He felt like he was really in sync with his colleagues at that moment.  That's when Andy asked God, in his own private prayer, if this is where he was supposed to be because it really felt like he was in the right spot.

There was a pause.  Andy heard this answer.  "No.  They are going in the right direction here.  They have it under control.  You are dismissed."

Whoa.  You are dismissed.  That stopped me in my tracks.  It also brought on a new round of waterworks.  You are dismissed.  Now I realized that they were not moving away on some youthful, spontaneous whim.  They are following God's call in their lives.  They are going where they think God wants them to be.

It reminds me of Abram and Sarai.  In Genesis 12:1, we read, "The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.'"  The LORD continues with a blessing and a promise for Abram, and then they pack up and head out to Canaan.  Everything they knew, everything they were familiar with, everything that felt like home...they left it all behind.  And for what?  To journey to a place where they know no one, where they have no roots, where everything is new.

Could I do that?  Could I leave everything behind and start completely over?  I don't know that I could.  If you have ever met me, you probably know that I don't like change.  I am not a risk-taker.  I am pretty good with the status quo.  Spontaneity and quick decision-making are not characetistics that I really possess.  So could I do it?  If God called Todd and me to leave what we know behind and head to a brand new place in a brand new direction, could I do it?  I don't know.  I am afraid that I would "Gideonize" it and keep asking for signs to see if that was what He really meant.  (I think I just made up that word Gideonize; I kind-of like it.) 

I admire the faith of Abran and Sarai to travel to a foreign country on a long and difficult journey to set up a new life based on the promises revealed to them through the LORD.  I admire Andy and Lauren for being open to God's call on their lives.  It is a long way off, but at least they won't have to travel by camel to get there.

Today I am reminding myself to be thankful for cars and planes that can travel back and forth between here and there.  Although I don't know when, I will see them again.  I am also thankful for texts, Facebook, Skype, and whatever other technologies will allow us to keep in touch as the miles separate us.

In the meantime, I am praying this blessing over them every day:

"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."  (Numbers 6:24-25)

It Wouldn't Be Christmas...

 Fill in the blank:  It wouldn't be Christmas without ______________.

What comes to your mind when you read that?  Presents?  Family?  Singing Christmas carols?  Lights?  Holiday baking?  Decorating the tree?  Snow?

I was asked this question as an ice-breaker a few weeks ago at a Ladies Christmas party for church.  I had trouble coming up with an answer at the time.  I just couldn't think of one answer that symbolized and summed up Christmas in my head.

I went for the obvious answer.  It wouldn't be Christmas without Jesus.  We had just listened to a lovely devotional by Diana Otto about wading through all the traffic, all the shopping and other commercialism, and finding ways to honor the Savior during this busy season.  So my answer got a laugh, but was also completely literal.  Of course, it wouldn't be Christmas without Jesus; it is His birthday that we celebrate, after all.

I followed up my funny and very obvious answer with this one.  It wouldn't be Christmas without family.  I love the celebrations that we have with our families.  Getting together with the extended family is always a good time.  I feel as much at home with the Tellmans as I do with the Taylors.  But I especially enjoy the time that just the four of us spend together on Christmas morning.    We are blessed to hang out, relaxing and making memories.

Christmas is about Jesus and family, but it still didn't really answer the question for me.  I enjoy those all year long, not just December 25.  Last night, my answer came to me.  So I am taking this opportunity for a "do over."

It wouldn't be Christmas without this...

It wouldn't be Christmas without candlelight service on Christmas Eve.  I suppose a candlelight service would be meaningful anywhere, but it holds a special place in my heart at our home church.  This is the moment where everything stops.  Where time stands still for just a bit.

Like many of you,  I feel like I have filled every possible minute in the last couple of weeks getting ready.  Shopping, wrapping, baking, making teacher gifts, more shopping.  Now I will say that Todd did quite a bit of the shopping this year, and the kids are old enough to help with the baking and the wrapping.  So that helps tremendously, but it was still busy.  Very busy.  Yesterday was no exception.  We spent the morning delivering presents and other goodies around town.  In the afternoon, I was in the kitchen making the food that I am taking to my parents' house today.  

I had a goal to make sure everything was done before church.  After all the preparation to get everything ready, I was ready to just stop.  Just stop and bask in the Light of the World.  From the traditional carols we sing together to the annual children's story to the special songs by various people, the entire service just fills me with joy.

All of these culminate in the lighting of the candles and singing Silent Night.  I love when the auditorium lights go out, and it is just Mr. Ken on stage with one candle lit.  How quickly it goes from one small flame to a whole glowing auditorium.  As the light spreads from one person to the next, I am reminded of the old camp song:

"It only takes a spark to get a fire going.

That's how it is with God's love

Once you've experienced it.

You've got to Pass It On."

We can't keep God's love to ourselves, we have got to pass it on.  With all the hustle and bustle competed, this moment with candles glowing is a symbol to me of what Christmas really is all about.  It is not about me or my kids or how many things I got checked off my lists.  It is about Jesus.  It is about spreading the warmth and love and light that only He can bring.

It wouldn't be Christmas without the Light Of the World.  

Farewell to the Queen

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a very special lady.  This is my attempt at a tribute.  I pray I honor her with my words.

Jacqueline June Josephine Tellman Newmann was born on April 5, 1929 to Frank and Cyrilla Tellman in Kansas City, Missouri.   She was the oldest of eleven children.  She married Roy Newmann on  May 30, 1953, and they were married for more than fifty years before Roy passed away.  They had six children and fourteen grandchildren.  She died in her home in Crestwood, Missouri on December 9, 2015.

From the moment I met her, Aunt Jackie always made me feel welcome and loved.  She never once made me feel like I was anything less than 100% Tellman.  I know she cared for me as much as all of the bloodline nieces and nephews.  I didn't see her often, but she always made me feel special.   She talked to me, asking me questions and really listening to my answers.  She sent me birthday cards, always with a handwritten note about how much she enjoyed "our little family."  I always hugged her when I left a family function...and I didn't know until yesterday that she didn't really like hugs.

I found out yesterday that she had been a teacher.  I can't believe I didn't know that before.  I would have loved to "talk school" with her and hear her stories firsthand.  As it was, several of her former students were at the visitation and funeral.  They all remembered her so fondly.  More than one said she was the best teacher they ever had.  One gentleman spoke about how mischievous he was, and she would always say, "Why did you do that?  I know you are a good boy, but now I have to punish you."  What a powerful way to get someone to think about his actions, show that she cared for him and believed in him, and hold him accountable all at the same time.  I loved hearing about the library that she had in her classroom and how they got to take turns being the librarian.  It was also fun to hear that she was only eighteen when she started teaching in a one-room school house, and that she had 38 students in all grade levels.  (Can you imagine? Wow!)  That is quite a legacy to leave to have students from sixty some years ago attend your funeral.

Aunt Jackie's son-in-law, Gary Vien, shared some remarks of rememberance at the funeral.  He spoke of a conversation he had with her sometime earlier.  I loved this line from Aunt Jackie: "At my age, I have no regrets...I have made mistakes, but I have done my best to resolve them, and I have no regrets....How about you?  Do you have regrets?"

So how about it?  Do you have regrets?  The best way I can think of to keep Aunt Jackie alive is to live our lives without regrets.  Resolve your mistakes to the best of your ability.  Make everyone feel special.  Really listen.  Be friendly.  Write a personal note to someone...in your own handwriting.

Aunt Jackie personally embodied so much of what I love about the Tellman family.  She will be missed by so many.  Farewell, dear lady.  We will see you again someday.