Renew

During the first couple of days of 2016, I saw a lot of people posting about their #oneword for the year. Although I had a word for 2015, I hadn't given any thought to a word for this year.  Last year my word was "Now."  The meaning was twofold for me.  The first was a call to action, as in "Do it now."  I wanted to work on my tendency to put off unpleasant tasks.  I still have a long way to go in fighting this battle, but I do feel like I have made some growth in this area.  The second meaning was a reminder:  God has the power, and He can do immeasurably more than we can ask or even imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21).  When I am lost, stuck, fretting, fearful...God has the power.  He can handle whatever situation I find myself in.  All I have to do is let Him.

I mulled over the idea of keeping "Now" for my word.  It just didn't feel right.  As I went about my daily living, I had this feeling like I needed a focus word, but I had no idea what it should be.  In one quiet, almost desperate moment, my heart whispered, "God, do you have a word for me this year?"  

I think I was almost afraid to ask.  What if He said no?  But what if he said yes?  What does He see me needing to work on?  Do I really want to know?

The answer came, rather swiftly.  Not in a whisper and not in a whirlwind.  But I knew it was from Him.

RENEW.

This response made me sing on the inside.  Renew.  It is perfect for how I have been feeling.  Renew.  I should have known that my God could do no less than give me a individualized, tailored word just for my own unique circumstances.  

He is not calling me to a place halfway around the world.  He is not calling me to a new career or to be something that I am not.  He is calling me to the life He has already given me.  This is the place where He wants me to be right now.  He is calling me to look around and take notice of what is around me.  Do what I am already doing, but make it new again.  Refine it, develop my skills, take hold of my life, own it.

What if I looked at everything in my life with the same joy that I experience when I begin to see winter rolling out and spring start popping up all over?  I could renew the areas in my life in the same way that trees bud out with new leaves.  Be the same me, but with a newness and a freshness that is exciting to behold.

RENEW.

For me, renew is abut a fresh start each day.  Renew my time with God and with His Word each day.   I feel like that time had become routine and lackluster.  I was rushing through so I could get to the next thing.  Approaching God's throne as a task on my checklist instead of a personal invitation to sit at the feet of the One who made me.  

One Sunday afternoon, I happened on to a couple of quiet hours at my house while Todd took the kids to the farm.  I poured a cup of coffee and opened my Bible.  I was so hungry for some quality time with my Savior that I sat there for nearly two hours reading and reflecting.  Wow.  I so needed that.

RENEW.

I found three verses that really spoke to me about the idea of renewal.  I may end up writing about all three of them at some point.  The one that resonated most has long been a favorite.  Psalm 51:10 tells us, "Create in me a clean heart, O God; renew a right spirit within me."

in this year, I am seeking to renew myself.  Renew my heart, soul, mind, and body.

New Beginnings

Yesterday my brother-in-law and his very lovely bride started a new chapter in their lives.  They are moving to the far side of the country.  Both of them were born in small towns in the middle of our state.  Neither of them has lived in another state, and they haven't done a whole lot of traveling either.  They are young.  They are adventurous.  They are ready for some new experiences in their lives.  I get that.  I really do.

We went to church with them weekend before last.  It was his last Sunday to lead worship there, and we wanted to be there to support him.  Can I just tell you?  I was a mess.  Before Andy had played a note or spoken a word, my eyes welled up and the first of many tears rolled down my cheek.  With everything having been so busy, that was the first moment for me to really process that they were moving away.  Really, really far away.

Honestly, it is not like we have seen them a lot anyway.  Other than major holidays and birthdays, we have not spent much time with them.  But when we are together...our families have a good time.   And my children absolutely completely adore Uncle Andy and Aunt Lauren.  Seth spent all day at Thanksgiving wrestling with Uncle Andy.  A dream come true for an eight-year-old boy.  Hannah spends every minute on Aunt Lauren's lap, playing with her beautiful long brown hair.  Or letting Aunt Lauren play with her own hair.  They love all their aunts and uncles, of course, but these two have captured little hearts in a very special way.



So we are sitting in worship, and I keep thinking about how much Andy and Lauren are going to be missed.  They are moving far enough away that they won't be able to come back for every major holiday or child's birthday party.  I really don't know how much or when they will be able to visit home...or when we will be able to visit them.

At the end of the service, Andy shared some things about his life, and how he never expected to be working in a church.  But there he was.  He talked about how much he had grown in his faith and as a person in the last two years.  One day over the summer, he was in a meeting with the pastor and some other people.  He was getting ready to pray, and someone prayed the exact things he was thinking.  Someone else followed it up with exactly where Andy would have gone next.  He felt like he was really in sync with his colleagues at that moment.  That's when Andy asked God, in his own private prayer, if this is where he was supposed to be because it really felt like he was in the right spot.

There was a pause.  Andy heard this answer.  "No.  They are going in the right direction here.  They have it under control.  You are dismissed."

Whoa.  You are dismissed.  That stopped me in my tracks.  It also brought on a new round of waterworks.  You are dismissed.  Now I realized that they were not moving away on some youthful, spontaneous whim.  They are following God's call in their lives.  They are going where they think God wants them to be.

It reminds me of Abram and Sarai.  In Genesis 12:1, we read, "The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.'"  The LORD continues with a blessing and a promise for Abram, and then they pack up and head out to Canaan.  Everything they knew, everything they were familiar with, everything that felt like home...they left it all behind.  And for what?  To journey to a place where they know no one, where they have no roots, where everything is new.

Could I do that?  Could I leave everything behind and start completely over?  I don't know that I could.  If you have ever met me, you probably know that I don't like change.  I am not a risk-taker.  I am pretty good with the status quo.  Spontaneity and quick decision-making are not characetistics that I really possess.  So could I do it?  If God called Todd and me to leave what we know behind and head to a brand new place in a brand new direction, could I do it?  I don't know.  I am afraid that I would "Gideonize" it and keep asking for signs to see if that was what He really meant.  (I think I just made up that word Gideonize; I kind-of like it.) 

I admire the faith of Abran and Sarai to travel to a foreign country on a long and difficult journey to set up a new life based on the promises revealed to them through the LORD.  I admire Andy and Lauren for being open to God's call on their lives.  It is a long way off, but at least they won't have to travel by camel to get there.

Today I am reminding myself to be thankful for cars and planes that can travel back and forth between here and there.  Although I don't know when, I will see them again.  I am also thankful for texts, Facebook, Skype, and whatever other technologies will allow us to keep in touch as the miles separate us.

In the meantime, I am praying this blessing over them every day:

"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."  (Numbers 6:24-25)

It Wouldn't Be Christmas...

 Fill in the blank:  It wouldn't be Christmas without ______________.

What comes to your mind when you read that?  Presents?  Family?  Singing Christmas carols?  Lights?  Holiday baking?  Decorating the tree?  Snow?

I was asked this question as an ice-breaker a few weeks ago at a Ladies Christmas party for church.  I had trouble coming up with an answer at the time.  I just couldn't think of one answer that symbolized and summed up Christmas in my head.

I went for the obvious answer.  It wouldn't be Christmas without Jesus.  We had just listened to a lovely devotional by Diana Otto about wading through all the traffic, all the shopping and other commercialism, and finding ways to honor the Savior during this busy season.  So my answer got a laugh, but was also completely literal.  Of course, it wouldn't be Christmas without Jesus; it is His birthday that we celebrate, after all.

I followed up my funny and very obvious answer with this one.  It wouldn't be Christmas without family.  I love the celebrations that we have with our families.  Getting together with the extended family is always a good time.  I feel as much at home with the Tellmans as I do with the Taylors.  But I especially enjoy the time that just the four of us spend together on Christmas morning.    We are blessed to hang out, relaxing and making memories.

Christmas is about Jesus and family, but it still didn't really answer the question for me.  I enjoy those all year long, not just December 25.  Last night, my answer came to me.  So I am taking this opportunity for a "do over."

It wouldn't be Christmas without this...

It wouldn't be Christmas without candlelight service on Christmas Eve.  I suppose a candlelight service would be meaningful anywhere, but it holds a special place in my heart at our home church.  This is the moment where everything stops.  Where time stands still for just a bit.

Like many of you,  I feel like I have filled every possible minute in the last couple of weeks getting ready.  Shopping, wrapping, baking, making teacher gifts, more shopping.  Now I will say that Todd did quite a bit of the shopping this year, and the kids are old enough to help with the baking and the wrapping.  So that helps tremendously, but it was still busy.  Very busy.  Yesterday was no exception.  We spent the morning delivering presents and other goodies around town.  In the afternoon, I was in the kitchen making the food that I am taking to my parents' house today.  

I had a goal to make sure everything was done before church.  After all the preparation to get everything ready, I was ready to just stop.  Just stop and bask in the Light of the World.  From the traditional carols we sing together to the annual children's story to the special songs by various people, the entire service just fills me with joy.

All of these culminate in the lighting of the candles and singing Silent Night.  I love when the auditorium lights go out, and it is just Mr. Ken on stage with one candle lit.  How quickly it goes from one small flame to a whole glowing auditorium.  As the light spreads from one person to the next, I am reminded of the old camp song:

"It only takes a spark to get a fire going.

That's how it is with God's love

Once you've experienced it.

You've got to Pass It On."

We can't keep God's love to ourselves, we have got to pass it on.  With all the hustle and bustle competed, this moment with candles glowing is a symbol to me of what Christmas really is all about.  It is not about me or my kids or how many things I got checked off my lists.  It is about Jesus.  It is about spreading the warmth and love and light that only He can bring.

It wouldn't be Christmas without the Light Of the World.  

Farewell to the Queen

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a very special lady.  This is my attempt at a tribute.  I pray I honor her with my words.

Jacqueline June Josephine Tellman Newmann was born on April 5, 1929 to Frank and Cyrilla Tellman in Kansas City, Missouri.   She was the oldest of eleven children.  She married Roy Newmann on  May 30, 1953, and they were married for more than fifty years before Roy passed away.  They had six children and fourteen grandchildren.  She died in her home in Crestwood, Missouri on December 9, 2015.

From the moment I met her, Aunt Jackie always made me feel welcome and loved.  She never once made me feel like I was anything less than 100% Tellman.  I know she cared for me as much as all of the bloodline nieces and nephews.  I didn't see her often, but she always made me feel special.   She talked to me, asking me questions and really listening to my answers.  She sent me birthday cards, always with a handwritten note about how much she enjoyed "our little family."  I always hugged her when I left a family function...and I didn't know until yesterday that she didn't really like hugs.

I found out yesterday that she had been a teacher.  I can't believe I didn't know that before.  I would have loved to "talk school" with her and hear her stories firsthand.  As it was, several of her former students were at the visitation and funeral.  They all remembered her so fondly.  More than one said she was the best teacher they ever had.  One gentleman spoke about how mischievous he was, and she would always say, "Why did you do that?  I know you are a good boy, but now I have to punish you."  What a powerful way to get someone to think about his actions, show that she cared for him and believed in him, and hold him accountable all at the same time.  I loved hearing about the library that she had in her classroom and how they got to take turns being the librarian.  It was also fun to hear that she was only eighteen when she started teaching in a one-room school house, and that she had 38 students in all grade levels.  (Can you imagine? Wow!)  That is quite a legacy to leave to have students from sixty some years ago attend your funeral.

Aunt Jackie's son-in-law, Gary Vien, shared some remarks of rememberance at the funeral.  He spoke of a conversation he had with her sometime earlier.  I loved this line from Aunt Jackie: "At my age, I have no regrets...I have made mistakes, but I have done my best to resolve them, and I have no regrets....How about you?  Do you have regrets?"

So how about it?  Do you have regrets?  The best way I can think of to keep Aunt Jackie alive is to live our lives without regrets.  Resolve your mistakes to the best of your ability.  Make everyone feel special.  Really listen.  Be friendly.  Write a personal note to someone...in your own handwriting.

Aunt Jackie personally embodied so much of what I love about the Tellman family.  She will be missed by so many.  Farewell, dear lady.  We will see you again someday.

Faith Adventures (book review)

*This post is part of a linked-up list of book reviews powered by inlinkz. Learn more and join us,CLICK HERE. *


Recently I was asked to be part of the advance launch team for a new e-book by Jennifer Lane.  She took her posts from what she did on #write31days and turned it into a book.  Her book was released on Amazon on December 1, and you can find it by clicking here:  


  Faith Adventures

As the title implies, this story follows her and her family through many different aspects of their lives over recent years.  I really enjoyed reading her story.  Recognizing God's working in my life is the heart of my own blog so it was fun for me to read how He has worked in another's life.  The same God that created me to be who I am and has a purpose for my life has created Jennifer and has a purpose for her life.  Her role in God's Kingdom looks much different than my role, but I still found myself relating to her triumphs and struggles as I read.

The way she detailed her triumphs and struggles is one of the things I loved about this book.  She is very real.  She has dealt with difficult issues in her life, and she is very authentic about how she handled them, for good or bad.  Although I am sure some of those areas were difficult to write about, I identified with her most when she was talking about how she couldn't handle everything on her own.

One of my favorite sections of the book talked about God leading her to participate in a bicycle-food delivering ministry to kids in inner-city Amarillo.

“God has rarely asked me to do something that I’m good at.  He almost always gives me opportunities to serve Him from a place of weakness.  Taking on the bike ministry and leading a route is the best example of ministry from the point of weakness in my life.”

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” -- 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV


I love that line....God has rarely asked me to do something that I'm good at.  When we rely on Him to do something that we cannot do on our own, His power shines through.  What we cannot accomplish by our own sheer grit and determination, God easily steps in and says, "I've got it from here.  Trust me."

As I read this book, I found myself thinking that there is something for everyone in this book.  Here are some of the areas that she discussed:

• Mission trips to far-off places
• Missionary work at home
• Serving those around you
• Home school 
• Depression and social anxiety
• Serving where you don't feel qualified
• Fundraising
• Adoption
• Grieving loved ones
• Suicide

All through her real-life stories, she speaks on how God has showed up for her in great big ways time and time again.  She seamlessly weaves Scripture into her writing as she reflects on lessons she has learned from "an Unseen God."  She was able to switch from her personal stories to Bible verses and back again without it ever seeming forced.

I found Jennifer's book to be easy to read, and hard to put down.  I invite you to read it too; I think you will enjoy seeing the ways God has worked in her  Faith Adventures.  Maybe it will help you see His role in your own adventures!



*NOTE: I was asked to be an advance reader for this book as it was being published. I received this book free from the author. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

He's Not Finished Yet...

He's not finished with me yet.  After spending a whole month writing and reflecting on Psalm 139, I thought I got it.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and God is bigger than my insecurities.  I have discovered that God is not done speaking to me about this topic; He continues to show me how prevalent and amazing this passage of Scripture is.  I wanted to shared with you some of the ways I continue to see these ideas pop up all around me.


The Balance--Calvary Chapel of Joplin (Spirit FM 11/4/15)

On the way home from dropping the kids off at church, I flipped on the radio.  My radio is permanently set on Spirit FM (when it is not listening to the kids' Christmas program CD!)  Every night at 6:00 PM this show called "The Balance" is broadcast.  Some nights it captures my attention; some nights it doesn't.  Guess what the very first thing I heard was:  the pastor that hosts that show using the first four verses of Psalm 139.  I nearly laughed out loud at the timing of that.  As I listened more, I realized that his topic was on Revelation but he worked in Psalm 139 to show how God is all-powerful and all-knowing.  There it is again!


Steven Furtick-- Sticks and Stones: Grow Your Gift
One day I decided I wanted to listen to something different than Spirit FM.  I remember my friends Jennifer Frisbie and Amy Tuley talking about how much they enjoyed listening to Steven Furtick from Elevation Church.  We had listened to bits and pieces of him on the way home from Dallas.  Okay, they had listened to entire sermons while I only caught bits and pieces as I kept dozing off in the backseat.  Anyway, I caught enough to remember and be intrigued.  I started listening to this Sticks and Stones series.  He spoke about how David was this tenderhearted harpist, skilled enough to play for King Saul.  But also how David was this fierce warrior capable of killing thousands of men.  I had never thought about it before, but these two things do not really go together.  God had taken these two very different aspects of David and molded them perfectly so he would be equipped to do all the tasks God asked him to do.  And then he quotes David's own Psalm--Psalm 139!  Can I just say this?  Mind blown!


Jesus Kids TV

Hannah has discovered this channel on TV called Jesus Kids TV.  I don't know if there is more to it or not, but she really likes the worship songs on there.  She puts it on and sings and dances her heart out.  I love how much that girl likes to praise the LORD!  Last Saturday, I was not paying much attention as I sat there crocheting.  There in the middle of a song, the singer starts reciting several verses from Psalm 139.  The most fun part for me is how she recognized it as the same words that are hanging on the laundry room wall.  


Beth Moore-- The Beloved Disciple

Periodically, I pick up this book to read.  I really enjoy it, but it is so deep that I can only read it in small sections.  I have to soak it in and marinate on it for a while before I am ready for another chunk.  Anyway, I read some recently.  Guess what?  She described John and Peter arriving at the empty tomb, searching for Jesus.  Referencing Psalm 139:12, she talks about how the darkness of the cave suddenly was filled with Light, the Light of the World.  "Even the darkness will not be dark for you; the night will shine like the day."  Later, she talks about how there is a special purpose and plan that He made just for me, and He created me perfectly to fulfill that plan.    I love the way she said it:  "God is busy making you someone no one else has ever been."  As I read further, she discusses how God is bigger than our anxieties and insecurities--that was the whole theme of my post Love > Fear.  Did I mention that this book is about the beloved disciple, John?  It is not about David at all, but there is Psalm 139 (or ideas from Psalm 139) sprinkled throughout the sections I read.


Mark Landis--Sermon on 11/1/15

The sermon two weeks ago fit in perfectly with the theme God has been writing on my heart recently.  Mark was talking about the faith of Moses.  I found it interesting that he used different Scriptures, but the message was the same.  His main points--as I wrote them down-- were that our insecurities prevent us from living out God's plan and purpose in our lives.  We doubt our own identity, we doubt if others will believe us, and we doubt our ability to perform the tasks in front of us.  God will equip us so that we can overcome our insecurities.  We have to understand our true identity, which is only found in Christ. 

I so loved this sermon because I had never thought about Moses in this way before, but I also loved it because it coincided so well with everything I wrote about in October.  Here I had just written a whole month of posts about getting rid of our insecurities and accepting who were fearfully and wonderfully made to be, and then Mark is bringing up that I am perfect for God's plan and purpose in my life.  My identity is not in what I tell myself that I cannot do; my identity is in who God made me to be.  He is bigger than our fears.  He is made perfect in our weaknesses.  His grace is sufficient for us.  I am enough.  God is more than enough.  Whatever He is asking me to do, He can do in me and through me.  Mark told us to stop saying "I can't" and start saying "God can."

The best part of this message for me was when Mark said this:  "You have a God story.  Own up to your past, and share who you have become now."  That perfectly sums up the reason I am a blogger. 

I have a God story to share.  Through my words, my goal is to share who God has made me to be, admit my failures, and talk about how I see Him working in my life.  I don't know what anyone else got out of the sermon, but this message seemed like affirmation for me.  Thank you for reading my God story!

He's Not Finished With Me Yet...

After a whole month of writing about my identity and the beauty of Psalm 139, I was feeling like I got it.  I knew what God was telling me.  But in the last two weeks, He has shown me that this is a message I need to continue to hear and see all around me.  I am enough.  God is more than enough.  He made me perfectly to carry out what He has planned for me to accomplish.  All I have to do is keep stepping out in faith.  God is not finished writing my story, and I need to keep sharing how the chapters are unfolding.




 

Have You Read It?

This morning I woke up thinking about what I was going to write about today...so I guess that makes this Day 32!

I have been writing about Psalm 139 for the last month.  I have written about my strengths and my weaknesses, my successes and failures, and my insecurities and my identity.  But my question for you is this:  Have you read it?  Have you really read it?  Have you soaked it in until it changes you at a cellular level?  

Why don't you do it now?

Psalm 139

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 

Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. 

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 

even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” 

even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! 

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

 If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! 

They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. 

Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? 

I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. 

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Psalm 139:1-24 NIV

http://bible.com/111/psa.139.1-24.niv