I Am Enough: Reflections from the Declare Conference

I started blogging one year ago.  My audience is small.  I write what's on my heart, and I share it through Facebook with my friends and family.  I don't Tweet or Instagram.  Podcasting is foreign to me, and I have no idea what it means to Periscope something.  And the technical side of blogging eludes me completely.

So I was excited about the blogging conference.   But also nervous.  Super nervous.  I talked several times with my dear friends who attended last year: Jennifer Frisbie, Amy Tuley, and Kelly Wilson.  All three--in separate conversations--assured me that I would take away so much more than just blogging.  I trust them, but I was still nervous.  I felt like I was getting in way over my head or ability level.

In the days (and weeks?) leading up to the conference,  I was more and more anxious.  I have felt like I was in a funk all summer long.  I didn't know why, and I couldn't shake it.  I have struggled to focus on anything, and my list of summer projects to complete hasn't gotten much shorter.  

I think I have been under spiritual attack this summer.  That is not something I say lightly.  I know how it sounds.  But I don't think the enemy wanted me to go that conference.  He worked on my mind and through my fears, trying to keep me away.

I went anyway, and I am so glad I did.

From the beginning to the end of the conference, one major theme seemed to wind its way through every speaker, song, testimony, and feedback from those around me.  Even a quick note from someone who does not know me at all spoke the same message.

I am enough.  My God is more than enough.

It just makes me smile to think how all the parts worked together.  That was not rehearsed or pre-planned by the event organizers.  Clearly, the Holy Spirit had been working on each and every person to deliver that idea.  Just like the seamless message of salvation conveyed throughout the Bible, the Holy Spirit brought the idea of our identity in Christ.  I know who I am and Whose I am.

Psalm 139 surfaced several times.  God created us.  He knows us down to the tiniest detail.  I am not a mistake.  The areas I see as weakness are put there by design.  He had purpose in creating me, and He knows what He is doing.  He knows my every step; He knows the words on my lips.

I found myself amused at those verses being used.  Earlier in the summer,  I read that psalm as if for the first time.  I felt like God told me to memorize it.  The whole thing.  I haven't memorized it (yet), but hearing it spoken at the conference was like God telling me, "See?  I already told you that you are enough."

Many raw emotions surfaced throughout the conference.  That took me by surprise.  I did not realize how deeply the insecurities and anxieties were running through me.  How tightly I had become ensnared in their trap.  As each one bubbled up inside of me, I began to recognize it for the lie it was.  And I started letting go.  

The Truth tells me that I am enough.  I am a child of God.  I am clothed in righteousness.  I am here for His purpose and His glory.  I have a story to tell, and no one can tell it like me.  I am "One in a Schmoozle," and my words make a difference.  

A sweet new friend shared that she cannot always go to church when she wants.  She uses her phone to read words of encouragement through blogs and other sources.  That is her church.  She connects with people online when she cannot be there in person.  Her impromptu talk resonated beautiful deep within me.  Digital evangelism--it's a real thing!  

When asked to reflect on what fears or insecurities are holding us back, my answer was fear and insecurity as a whole.  The next morning I heard that God is bigger than whatever "it" is.  No matter what you are afraid of, God is bigger.  He is more than enough.  I heard several people say it comes down to an act of faith: I believe it, or I don't.  If Scripture says it,  I know it is true.  If God says He can handle my problems,  He can.  If God says He has a plan for my life, He does.  If He promises to make all things work together for good, He will.  He has been using scared, imperfect people for a long time, and He can use me too.

This week I have had peace.  The anxiety is gone.  Really gone.  I am amazed at how different I feel.  I did not even realize how much I was struggling.  I am relieved to have that thick, oppressive blanket removed.  Please believe me that not every moment has been easy, but my perspective has changed.  Jesus said, "My peace I leave with you," and I am feeling that beautiful deep.