So I'm a blogger...

Recently at church, a friend of mine, Nathan Tuley, shared a message about what God has been teaching him and challenging him with in the last two years.  At the end, he challenged the congregation to commit to something new for God.  He said that the thing that makes you the most uncomfortable is probably the very thing that God is asking you to do.

When I began to pray, I felt like I already knew what it was.  I had already been praying about starting a blog for a couple of days.  I asked God to reveal what He wanted me to do.  As soon as I thought that, I said, "It's the blog, isn't it?"  I felt a warmth spread over me in that moment that seemed to be confirmation.  So, I guess I am a blogger now...

To borrow the words of Jennifer Frisbie, "It makes me want to vomit...but in a good way."  Although I don't do it often, I have always enjoyed writing.  There is something cathartic about pouring myself out onto a piece of paper (or a screen).  But doing it for the whole world to see is something different entirely.  It makes me feel vulnerable--and a little afraid--to share my writing online.

My first hesitation stems from insecurity.  It is hard for me to believe that my thoughts and ideas would be valuable to anyone else.  I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14); I know that God does not make mistakes.  But I still really struggle with being me and not comparing myself to other people.

My second hesitation is one of follow through.  I usually start projects well, especially ones that were my idea.  (I will admit that I am a bit more reluctant when starting something that was not my idea.). I am already afraid of not being able to keep up with it.  It is overwhelming to be starting a new journey like this at the same time that I am starting a new school year.  I am praying that this will be something I want to do as time passes, not just another thing to check off of a very long list.  I am also praying that this would be something I could do without taking time away from my family.

Lastly, I am concerned about myself getting in the way.  If I am going to put myself out there and share my stories, I want it to be all for God.  I want people to see a glimpse of Him through things I share.  I pray that He will show me what would impact other people.  I do not want this to become something where I am seeking approval from my readers.  I want to do this to please my God, not because someone might say "Good job" (although it would still be okay if you want to say it.)

So those things all speak to the "makes me want to vomit" aspect.  The good is that I am excited about how God might use me and a blog to reach someone for His kingdom.  Do I have anything good to share?  Maybe, maybe not.  But does my LORD and King have something to say?  I know that He does, and that is the exciting part.