Sunday, April 17, 2016

One Liners by David Taylor

In honor of my dad's birthday, I have compiled a list of his "One Liners."  Many of these come from TV shows or commercials or from old jokes or from other people.  There may even be a little bit of original material in there somewhere.  If you know my dad at all, I am sure you have heard him say many of these lines!



That was before my time, but I heard the Big Boys talk about it. 

I had to walk uphill to school...both ways.

I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

Only when I'm by myself or with somebody.

Only on days that end in "y."

All done but the finishing.

I can jump higher than the table.

It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

I had to get up before breakfast.

No, wait.  I'll get it.  Could be the phone.

Taylor Residence.

Yes, is this the party to whom I am speaking?

Do you have an appointment?

Let me see if she is taking calls.

Honey, it's your favorite daughter.  No, not that one.  The other one.

Is that Laura?  Tell her she owes me money.

Check's in the mail.

Did your parents have any kids that lived?

Who's on first?

What does that have to do with the price of beans in China?  I don't know.  How many ice cream cones does it take to roof a doghouse?

What are you wearing, Jake from State Farm?

Walk this way.

The sky's the limit.  You can have anything you want, up to a buck-two-ninety-nine.

Soup's on.

Tastes like chicken.

Tastes like MORE.

OO-EE!  That be good.  Just like Grandma used to make.

What if we never get ready?

Oh no, we are not going to stay for the drawing.

You're all right.  I don't care what that other guy says about you.  I didn't believe it all anyway.

Are you running away from home?

Was it something I said?

Write if you find work.

Don't quit your day job.

Are you writing a book?  Leave my chapter out.

Did you bring me something nice?  Is it bigger than a bread basket?

If I'm not here, I'll be in the other building.

I'll either be upstairs or downstairs.

Say, "Good night, Chet."

Thanks a lot, Ollie.

And that's another thing.  Don't call me Shirley.

All day unless it rains.

You can have the rest of my time.

Oh, Margaret.  I think it's the best one.

Elvis has left the building.

Doctor, it hurts when I do this.

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Just driven by a little old lady on Sundays, back and forth in her driveway.

Are we keeping you up?

Say Uncle.

Don't ever say I didn't give you anything.

Diamond Jim Brady.

Have I worn out my welcome?

I sold them to the gypsies.

Oh No, Mr. Bill!

No, wait.  Not that one.  I wanted that one.

Would I?  Would I?

Could have fooled me.

I gave at the office.

I love it when a plan comes together.


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