Saturday, July 23, 2016

Five Minute Friday: Help

I have been married almost thirteen years to a wonderful guy.  I am so blessed to have this man in my life.  He often doesn't get enough credit for all that he does.

But some days are hard, you know?  Not every day is magical and like a fairy tale.  This is real, every day life, and some days we get on each other's nerves.  Marriage takes work.

So I say all that to introduce a realization that I have had recently.  A week or two ago, I realized that we approach "help" in very different ways.  This was really an Aha type of moment for me.  Seems like I probably should have figured this out before, but I consider it proof that we never stop growing and learning about each other.

My husband is a hard worker in every area of his life.  Not only that, but he is always willing to assist those around him in whatever way he can.  He jumps in and gives his best no matter what.  These are admirable qualities, for sure.  

I am a rather independent person, and don't typically ask for help.  I prefer to figure things out and do them my own way.  I may struggle a bit along the way, but I usually get my task accomplished.  When I get stuck beyond where I can manage, I do ask for help.

So this is sometimes a source of contention between us.  When he is doing something, he expects those around him (that means me!) to see a need and act on it.  Jump in and just start helping. When I am doing something, I want everybody to leave me alone until I call out for help.  Often this takes place like this:  I am making dinner, and my husband wants to give me some advice about how I could do it easier and more efficiently.  While he may be right, I feel like I am doing fine doing it my own way and don't need any help.

I don't think either perspective is bad or wrong.  I don't think my way is better than his.  What I do think (now) is that we have different approaches that sometimes create a little friction.  

So what I am realizing is that I need a little help in the moment to recognize what is happening.  Two different personalities and approaches trying to operate as one unified team.  If I can remember that he has good intentions when he offers a suggestion, I might not get so snippy.  And if I can remember that  he might welcome some assistance on a project he is doing, I think we might draw even closer to one another.
The two shall become one.  We are united in our marriage, and in our love for each other.  We are united in our love for Christ and our love for our children.  But we still have two distinct personalities. Sometimes I need a little help working that out.  I can't do it on my own, but where should I turn?

My help comes from the LORD, the maker of the heavens and the earth.  All I have to do is ask the One who made me.


  1. Great insights here! Just having understanding of where others are coming from when their approach is different to ours can make a big difference in a relationship. Visiting from FMF.

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