Soaking It In - the 31 Day Challenge

On the second night of the Declare Conference, I found myself in my hotel room deep in thought.  Several of the speakers had mentioned a verse or two from Psalm 139 that day.  A couple of the speakers had gone beautifully deep into that piece of Scripture.  It really struck me how that text kept coming at me over and over again.

Here I have these verses that I find beautiful and powerful.  All summer I have had encounters with these words, but not yet memorized them.  Here also I found myself struggling with insecurity and anxiety all summer long in a way that I had not experienced before.  I began to see a connection between those two.

I opened my Bible to Psalm 139, and I read the words there.  So good.  I read them again.  And again.  I probably read that Psalm five times, letting the words wash over me.  Speak to me.  Show me truth.  Heal me of places I didn't even know were broken.

That wasn't enough.  I needed more.   Since I had my iPad handy, I selected a different translation and read it again.  The big ideas were the same, of course, but there were different nuances in the language that opened it up even more.  So I switched the translation again and read it some more.  I continued reading the same Psalm in eight or ten different versions.  Meditating on the words and allowing them to penetrate my soul down to the inmost places.

I still needed more.  So I switched to a version in French.  I haven't read any French since high school, but I just wanted to see how it sounded in that language.  Not a French linguist or scholar by any means, but I remembered enough of it to pick out the main points.  The beauty of God's Word was just as powerful in another language as it was in my own.  I was in awe of the powerful message in those twenty-four verses.


I don't need to be afraid of falling short.  I am enough.  I do not need to worry that someone else is doing something more, better, or different than I am.  I am enough.  God made me to be enough, complete in His design.  I can accept me for who He made me to be.  The areas I see as weakness were put there by design.  I am enough.  Just as I am.

God made me.  He stitched me together with exquisite care, making no mistakes.  He crafted and wove every teeny, tiny little detail of me.  He knew me--and had a plan for me--long before anyone else.  He is with me on all sides, behind and before.  In short, He loves me in a way that only He can.  He is more than enough.  He can handle all my problems, all my insecurities, all my worries, all my anxieties.  He is more than enough.

I came away from that experience feeling refreshed and relieved.  I had a new sense of identity.  That night I laid down some things I had been carrying around for a very long time.  I know who I am and Whose I am.

I am enough.  God is more than enough.

Memorizing Psalm 139: The 31 Day Challenge

Early this summer, I felt like God was pressing on my heart to memorize Psalm 139.  The whole thing.  All 24 verses.  I have memorized Scripture before, but never as large of a section as that.  It kind-of intimidated me...and I put it off.  I was well-meaning, but just hadn't gotten it done.

For most of the summer I struggled with anxiety and insecurities in a way that I hadn't experienced before.  I have to wonder if I would have struggled in the same ways or as much had I memorized this Psalm the first time I thought of it.

Now I have got it in my head.  Here is how I did it.

1). Be accountable.  For me, that meant telling my kids it was something I was trying to do.  When I say something out loud, it makes it real for me.  Speaking my goal usually makes the difference to get out of my head and get started.

2). Find a visible place to hang what you want to memorize.  I hung mine in the laundry room by the dryer.  I feel like I spend half my life there folding clothes so I will see it frequently.

3). Write one verse a day on your paper.  I just happen to like colored pens; they bring me joy.  I have color-coded mine to be a different color each day.  It also makes it easy for me to discriminate from one day to the next.

4). Recite, rehearse, and repeat.  All the time that I spend in the laundry room, I am studying my sheet.  I focus on the part I just added, making sure I can say it without peeking.

5). Throughout the day as I go about my other tasks, I will try to say everything I have learned to that point.  

It is not a perfect system, but one that works pretty well for me.  I love being able to draw on Scripture hidden in my heart, even when I don't have my actual Bible in front of me.  It comforts me, and I love being able to draw on that wisdom throughout the day.

Question for you:  How do you memorize Scripture?  What strategies do you use?

Psalm 139: The 31 Day Challenge

During the month of. October, I will be striving to write every day.  Crystal Stine is hosting this challenge, and I am linking up with her.

Why 31 Days?

I have heard people talk about this experience, and it intrigued me.  When I first heard about it last year, my thoughts were along the lines of No Way!  What a difference a year can make.  This is one of the goals I set for myself at the Declare Conference this year.  Coming up with a topic to write about for 31 days straight may seem daunting, but the topic came simultaneously with the goal.

Still, I wondered if I could do it.  When my friend Amy Tuley said she would never do a challenge like this without writing most of the blog entries ahead of time, I had an Aha! Moment. Such a simple yet brilliant idea.  So I started my outline and post entries shortly after returning back from Dallas.  The more  I accomplish in August and September, the more likely I will succeed in October.  

Why Psalm 139?

God has been speaking these words to me over and over throughout the summer and into the fall.  He comforts me.  He soothes my anxieties.  He knows me.  He made me - every single stitch.  I find such beauty in these words, and I wanted to share them with others.  

Everywhere I turn the last few months, I am hearing or seeing words from Psalm 139.  It's like when I bought a black mini-van, and then everybody in the church parking lot had a black mini-van.  Or maybe like when we named our son and didn't know anyone with that name--and then there were four at the school where I teach.  Maybe it is just that my focus has changed, and I am more aware of these words that have been there all along.  Maybe I just really need to hear this message over and over, day in and day out, and God is putting it in front of me so many times so I can really get it.

Based on many conversations I have had, I am not the only person who struggles with anxiety and insecurity.  As I reflect on this Psalm each day,  I have written ways I have seen this reflected in my life.  Some of it may be repetitive.  I have needed that repetition as God has shown me in deeper and deeper layers how I need these words.  My hope and prayer through the month of October is that you too will appreciate the beauty and wisdom in these timeless words, and you will find confidence and security in a God who loves you.

Coming Soon

Coming Soon...

To a Blog Near You.

I have made a goal for October.  I am joining many people of the blogging community in a 31-Day Blogging Challenge.  This is a goal I set for myself after attending the Declare Conference in Dallas this summer.

I will be posting every day in October as I reflect on how Psalm 139 keeps appearing in my life.  Some of it may be repetitive as I write every day, but I find myself needing that repetition day in and day out.  God is using these 24 verses to speak to me and move me closer to who He designed me to be.

My intent is not to overwhelm your inbox with a daily post.  I know that is significantly more than I usually publish so I just wanted to give you advance notice of what is to come in the next few weeks.

Since I returned from Declare, I have been working on my ideas, my outline, my posts, and some graphics to go with it.  October is typically a very busy month for me so I am striving to work ahead as much as possible.

I don't know, at this time, if I will get all 31 Days or not, but I'm going to try.  If I succeed, that is great.  If I fall short a few days, that will be okay too.  God keeps showing me different facets of Psalm 139 and how it fits into my life.  My hope and prayer - no matter how many days I publish - is that something I write will also speak to you.

Stay tuned.  October is just around the corner!

Five Minute Friday: Alone

Today I am linking up with Kate Motaung and Five-Minute Friday.  The goal is to write for five minutes on a given topic wIthout stopping, editing, or revising.  I have only participated a few times, but I always enjoy reading how somebody else was inspired in a different way by the same word.

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ALONE

I am an introvert.   I think I always have been, but it seems to have gotten more intense as I get older.  Or maybe after I became a mother.  Those precious little people (who are not that little anymore) have shown me sides of myself more clearly.  Or maybe they just take so much energy that I crave it even more.

I don't mind being alone.  I never have.  As a kid, I could often be found somewhere by myself with my nose stuck in a book.  Sending me to my room was never so bad for me.  I loved it there!  I enjoy quiet and reflecting on my day and processing through different events that happened.  

I used to think that being an introvert meant you weren't a people person.  I think that is a misconception.  I enjoy being around people.  I look forward to spending time with friends and family.  In fact, I need that too.  One of my Love Languages is Quality Time.  When my husband and I don't spend enough Quality Time together, I really feel it affect our relationship and how we relate to each other.

So that's one of my quirks.  I crave quality time and I crave alone time.  My first thought when I saw the prompt "alone" is that we are never totally alone.  Our God will never leave us or forsake us.  Time and time again, He tells us through Scripture, "Don't be afraid.  I am with you."  God is always by my side.  Anytime I am alone is quality time that I can spend with the One who made me.  So maybe it is not a quirk after all.

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I Am Enough: Reflections from the Declare Conference

I started blogging one year ago.  My audience is small.  I write what's on my heart, and I share it through Facebook with my friends and family.  I don't Tweet or Instagram.  Podcasting is foreign to me, and I have no idea what it means to Periscope something.  And the technical side of blogging eludes me completely.

So I was excited about the blogging conference.   But also nervous.  Super nervous.  I talked several times with my dear friends who attended last year: Jennifer Frisbie, Amy Tuley, and Kelly Wilson.  All three--in separate conversations--assured me that I would take away so much more than just blogging.  I trust them, but I was still nervous.  I felt like I was getting in way over my head or ability level.

In the days (and weeks?) leading up to the conference,  I was more and more anxious.  I have felt like I was in a funk all summer long.  I didn't know why, and I couldn't shake it.  I have struggled to focus on anything, and my list of summer projects to complete hasn't gotten much shorter.  

I think I have been under spiritual attack this summer.  That is not something I say lightly.  I know how it sounds.  But I don't think the enemy wanted me to go that conference.  He worked on my mind and through my fears, trying to keep me away.

I went anyway, and I am so glad I did.

From the beginning to the end of the conference, one major theme seemed to wind its way through every speaker, song, testimony, and feedback from those around me.  Even a quick note from someone who does not know me at all spoke the same message.

I am enough.  My God is more than enough.

It just makes me smile to think how all the parts worked together.  That was not rehearsed or pre-planned by the event organizers.  Clearly, the Holy Spirit had been working on each and every person to deliver that idea.  Just like the seamless message of salvation conveyed throughout the Bible, the Holy Spirit brought the idea of our identity in Christ.  I know who I am and Whose I am.

Psalm 139 surfaced several times.  God created us.  He knows us down to the tiniest detail.  I am not a mistake.  The areas I see as weakness are put there by design.  He had purpose in creating me, and He knows what He is doing.  He knows my every step; He knows the words on my lips.

I found myself amused at those verses being used.  Earlier in the summer,  I read that psalm as if for the first time.  I felt like God told me to memorize it.  The whole thing.  I haven't memorized it (yet), but hearing it spoken at the conference was like God telling me, "See?  I already told you that you are enough."

Many raw emotions surfaced throughout the conference.  That took me by surprise.  I did not realize how deeply the insecurities and anxieties were running through me.  How tightly I had become ensnared in their trap.  As each one bubbled up inside of me, I began to recognize it for the lie it was.  And I started letting go.  

The Truth tells me that I am enough.  I am a child of God.  I am clothed in righteousness.  I am here for His purpose and His glory.  I have a story to tell, and no one can tell it like me.  I am "One in a Schmoozle," and my words make a difference.  

A sweet new friend shared that she cannot always go to church when she wants.  She uses her phone to read words of encouragement through blogs and other sources.  That is her church.  She connects with people online when she cannot be there in person.  Her impromptu talk resonated beautiful deep within me.  Digital evangelism--it's a real thing!  

When asked to reflect on what fears or insecurities are holding us back, my answer was fear and insecurity as a whole.  The next morning I heard that God is bigger than whatever "it" is.  No matter what you are afraid of, God is bigger.  He is more than enough.  I heard several people say it comes down to an act of faith: I believe it, or I don't.  If Scripture says it,  I know it is true.  If God says He can handle my problems,  He can.  If God says He has a plan for my life, He does.  If He promises to make all things work together for good, He will.  He has been using scared, imperfect people for a long time, and He can use me too.

This week I have had peace.  The anxiety is gone.  Really gone.  I am amazed at how different I feel.  I did not even realize how much I was struggling.  I am relieved to have that thick, oppressive blanket removed.  Please believe me that not every moment has been easy, but my perspective has changed.  Jesus said, "My peace I leave with you," and I am feeling that beautiful deep.

And the Winner Is...

An awesome difficult day.

Or was it a difficult awesome day?

I can't decide which way to say it because it was very much both difficult and awesome, sometimes even at the same time.

Awesomeness #1:  Early in the summer, I made a wall hanging with the fruit of the Spirit on it.  Nothing too fancy, but I hung it in the hallway at the kids' eye level.  I have never mentioned it hanging in the hallway and had not pointed it out to them at all.  I suddenly had an idea and just had to test it out.  I jumped in front of it and said, "Quick, tell me the fruits of the Spirit."

At first Seth said he couldn't do it, and he didn't know it.  But then, almost surprising himself, he started saying the verse.  And he got it all, every single word in order.  I could not believe it!   Even I can't say it in order; I know all nine, but I get the order mixed-up toward the end.

Not to be outdone,  Hannah started reciting it.  And she got it too!

Both kids totally memorized the Scripture just by looking at it when they walk by.  Kind-of makes a case for surrounding yourself with Scripture, doesn't it?

Difficulty #1:  Clean your room.  Oh, the dreaded words!  Seth just had one whiny round of "I don't want to" before he got started.  Hannah immediately lay down on the floor and began to cry tears of protest.  I do not have much sympathy for this kind of theatrics.  I told her that she could clean her room, or she could have the consequences of not cleaning her room.  It was her choice.  

I walked away hoping she would make a good choice.

Difficulty #2:  Forty-five minutes later, I couldn't see much progress in either room.  Seth looked up with big blue eyes and said, "I have been plerking, Mama."  Plerking.  It is a term that he coined himself about a year ago.  Plerking: a combination of playing and working.  I do appreciate his honesty.  I let him know that I would set a timer to help him stay on track.  That has usually worked in the past for him.

Meanwhile,  Hannah has been having a mini-meltdown about every three to five minutes.  She wanted me to help her, and I don't feel like she had put enough personal effort in to merit getting some help yet.  

Difficulty #3:  (There is more awesomeness coming, I promise.)   I had some bacon frying in the skillet, getting ready to throw it in the crockpot for dinner.  Hannah came in next to me, and the grease popped on her.  Much crying ensued.

Difficulty #4:  The timer went off.  Neither room is cleaned.  (Shocker, I know.)  Seth actually had been working on his room, but focusing on a minute detail instead of the big picture.  When I started to say something about not finishing the job, he started yelling at me.  "I have been working.  The whole time.  You don't appreciate me."  You have no idea how this cut into me.  I identified far too well with the feeling behind those words.

Difficulty #5:  Delivering the consequences.  The consequence this time was that the work still had to be done.  That meant we didn't have time to do anything fun today.  I was as bummed about this as anyone. After a five-day road trip, I would have liked to play games or something with my children instead of spending all my time and energy making sure that they were following through on their responsibilities.

Difficulty #6:  I have one child paralyzed by the enormity of the job.  She doesn't know where to start.  I have another child who feels unappreciated because he doesn't have much to show for his efforts. The very things I have been struggling with myself all summer.  Not only am I seeing my own flaws lit up like fireworks, but to see my kids struggling with the very same things broke my heart.  Into a million little pieces.  

I realized that I have to help them prioritize and break a big job into manageable parts.  How do I teach something I don't know how to do?  O LORD, please help me.  I cannot do this.  I don't know what to do.  Strengthen me, please.

Difficulty #7:  We are finally on track, and then Hannah pinched her hand in the box where she keeps her doll clothes.  More crying.

Awesomeness #2:  Trying to get Hannah calmed down, I began to pray for her that God would take away the pain.  I thanked Him for giving us a purpose to work and to give Him glory.  I asked Him to strengthen us through Christ's power.  I think claiming the promises of Scripture when we pray is one of the most powerful things we can do.  If only I could pray like that all the time...

Awesomeness #3:  On a quick errand, we got into a discussion about my grandparents.  When Hannah said she wished she could have known Grandma Twitchel, I explained how we will get to see her again when we get to Heaven.  They began asking me all these questions about Heaven.  Deep, thinking questions that I cannot answer.  Some things just have to be accepted on faith.  Seth exclaimed, "That means believing without seeing."  (Hooray.   He knows another verse!). On the way in Hannah commented that she thought everything in Heaven is made of gold.  I told her that the streets are anyway.  And Seth said, "Yup.  And the gates are made of diamonds."  He said diamonds instead of pearls, but I love how deep their knowledge runs.

Awesomeness #4:  Seth asked me if Jesus was alive when God created the world.  So we talked about John 1:1.  When I broke it into small parts and talked about it, he really seemed to understand that Jesus was there.  He couldn't really explain it later, but that he even got it a little bit was pretty impressive for his age. 

Difficulty #8:  The rest of the room cleaning didn't go much better than the beginning, except that I sat in there saying, "Now do this.  Now do this.  Now do this."  I nearly had a panic attack when I realized this process had been in play all day, and we still weren't finished cleaning.

Hannah kept crying and telling me she was having a difficult day.  I assured her that she was not alone; it was a difficult day for all of us.  All in all, it was not an easy day.

But I think awesomeness wins out today.  Despite difficult circumstances and attitudes, my children know Scripture.  They are asking good questions, questions that I can't always answer.  Really deep thinking questions.  I feel like I lived Deuteronomy 6 out today.  We talked about God in the hallway, in the car, when hands got pinched, and when we were cleaning rooms.  

God never promised that belief in Him would make for easy days.  Quite the opposite.  But my children are learning to ask questions about their faith, to pray when things are tough, to hide His word in their hearts, and to keep turning back to Him no matter what.  That is awesomeness that will last a lifetime-- far outlasting the trouble of one rough day.

Awesomeness wins!