Thursday, January 29, 2015

Fix My Eyes

I have been out of balance this week.  Extra tired.  Cobwebs in the brain.  All week I have felt like I just can't quite get my act together.  I can't seem to get everything accomplished that I normally do.  I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but I can tell.

Actually, I am quite certain that my husband has noticed that the dishes are piling up in both sides of the sink and on the counter.  But he has been gracious enough not to comment.

And my son has definitely noticed that I was slow getting the laundry sorted out to be out away.  Every morning, I have heard, "Mama, I don't have any pants in my drawer.  Can you find me some?"

During a lesson yesterday with just two students, I could not keep track of whose turn it was.  We were playing a simple game to practice sight words, and I messed up the order a handful of times.  With only two students, and I couldn't keep track.  

Okay, okay, okay.  There have been moments that are definitely noticeable to people other than myself.  I am not as "together" as I would like to be, or I am not as "together" as I would like other people to think I am.  Sometimes my friend Ashley Herrin says to me, "You can't be perfect all the time."  Very true words that remind me I am being too hard on myself and that I need to lighten up.  (And she always says them with a smile and a hug so I feel loved and encouraged.)

I was struggling with all this through the week.  I couldn't really figure out how this week was any different than other, and why I was seemingly in a fog.

On top of this muddled, muddy mind, we received a phone call this week that threw us for a real loop.  It was very concerning, and just downright bizarre.  I couldn't stop thinking about it, but I couldn't make any sense of it either.  I hung up the phone and had a thousand more questions than I had answers.  I tried to pray about the situation, but I didn't even know what to pray.  Thankful for the Holy Spirit that intercedes on our behalf when we don't know what to say.

As I pulled into work on Friday, the last song on the radio was Fix My Eyes by For King and Country.  (Click on the link to watch it.)  I closed my eyes and just absorbed the words for a minute.  Fix my eyes on You.  That's when I figured it out.  I had taken my eyes off the One thing that matters most.  It was subtle, and I hadn't even noticed that it was happening.  I had lost my focus this week.

I suddenly felt much better.  My head was clearer, and I relaxed.  I don't have to know all the answers.  I don't have to know all the questions.  God knows.  He has a perfect plan, and He will take care of it.  All of it.  In ways far better than I could understand or plan for.

So, let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.  (Hebrew 12:2). Oh, I just love those words.  The author of my faith.  Jesus is writing my story, and He is not finished yet.  He is the perfecter of my faith, and He won't be finished writing until I am made perfect in His presence when I join Him in Heaven one day.

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