Forty Days

My husband grew up Catholic, and he has always followed the Lenten practices leading up to Easter, even though that is not something our church promotes.  When we first started dating, I had a lot of questions about this.  Todd explained to me that it is just a small way to remember the sacrifice that Chriset made for us.  That made a lot of sense to me so I have done it too since we got married.

The first year I decided I would give up chocolate.  Anyone who knows me at all knows that chocolate is the very lifeblood running through my veins so this was a pretty big deal for me.  Right after Lent started, I went to a conference for work.  I don't remember anything about that conference except that they served the biggest, most delicious-looking piece of chocolate cake I have ever set my eyes on.  I can still see that piece of cake in my mind; it makes my mouth water a little when I think about it.  Well, this was most certainly a test, and I was tempted.  VERY TEMPTED.  Someone at the table must have seen the dilemma I was having because they asked me what was wrong.  Their advice was to just eat it anyway because my husband would never know.  Oh, that didn't work for me because I would know.  And, more importantly, God would know that just two days into my promise I gave into temptation.

Later on, when  I was telling Todd the agony I faced in resisting that piece of chocolate cake, he had no sympathy for me at all.  He said, "Jesus gave up his life for you, and you can't give up a piece of chocolate cake?"  OUCH!  That cut right to my heart, and the sacrifice that Jesus made for me has never been more clear.

Over the years, I have given up different things during Lent to help me remember what Jesus did.  What I have found year to year is that no matter what I give up, it is only difficult for about three days.  After that, it does not require all that much effort.  I have also found that what I give up is really only a benefit to me.  It doesn't impact anyone else at all.  (Except the year that I gave up chocolate and caffeine--I am pretty sure that was not beneficial to anyone who had to be near me!)

So this year I wanted to do something different.  I wanted to do something that would benefit other people.  I prayed about it, and I began thinking about how Jesus treated people.  He was loving.  He was kind.  He was encouraging.  And those are all things I would like to be too.

I decided I would do 40 Days of Encouragement.  Each day I took the time to write a simple note to someone in my life. It wasn't lengthy or anything really earth-shattering.  Just a handwritten note that said I appreciate them.

I started by making a list of people that would get a note from me.  Some were family; some from church, and some from work.  A couple were for people who had an impact on me years ago, but haven't had much contact with recently.

It is funny how the Holy Spirit works.  I would often wake up thinking about a particular person, and I would write a note to that person. About half of the people were from the original list I made, and the other half were people I had not thought of on my own.  Some of the ones I wrote to are people  I barely know.

The really cool part of this project was how many times someone came up to me and said, "Thanks.  Your note came at the perfect time.  I really needed that right then."  Well, that is not my timing.  That is all God.  He knew who most needed some encouragement; that did not come from me.

I really enjoyed seeing how my words brought a smile to someone else.  Something I did made a difference to someone else.  That was a big blessing to me.

It really is true that we reap what we sow.  Out of the blue, I received an email from a mom of a student I worked with a few years ago.  She told me her student had just been accepted into National Junior Honor Society, and she attributed a lot of his successes now to the time I had invested in him.  WOW!!!   I was totally blown away.  Not only did she send that to me, but she sent that exact same message to my principal, my assistant principal, and my superintendent.  I was totally and completely humbled and blessed by her taking the time to do that.  And then I got a very similar note from a different parent the next day!  Since neither of these moms were people I had written a note to, that made it even more special.  I have to believe it was a direct outcome of me taking the time to notice other people.

My 40 Days of Encouragement were not terribly difficult to accomplish.  It did not require a huge sacrifice of my time, willpower, or finances.  Some days I forgot to write a note; some days I wrote two or three at once.  But what I learned was the importance of taking time out of my own little world to notice someone around me.  To say thanks.  To say I appreciate you.  That is something I need to do all the time-not just forty days a year.

A Night to Remember

One day last week I got to spend the whole evening with my girl.  We went to see the movie Cinderella, just the two of us.  We got a giant soda and a huge tub of extra buttery popcorn to share.  (We do love those boys of ours, but they don't enjoy all that drippy, melty goodness like we do so that was an extra special treat.)

During the movie, I enjoyed watching my girl-and just being near her-as much as I enjoyed watching the movie.  Such a curious and wonderful mix of big and little girl all wrapped into one package.

It wasn't very far into the movie at all when she abandoned her own chair to sit in my lap.  Once she had settled in, I was relishing the snuggle time.  I was thinking how one day in the not-too-distant future she won't want to sit on my lap anymore.  Actually, she won't even want to be in the same theater with me--let alone the same chair.  So I was enjoying this "little girl" moment. 

While I was all caught up in this precious one sitting on my lap, the Prince appeared on the screen.  And these are the words that came out of my "little" one's mouth.  "Oh, look at the Prince.  I want to kiss him.  He is hot."    I am not kidding: those were her actual words.  How is it possible that these things actually came out of my six-year-old's mouth?  With the appearance of a man on a horse, my little girl vanished before my eyes and was talking about kissing and hotness.  This was almost too much for this mama to bear.  All I could is shake my head and tell her that sometimes she is just too much for me.  She just giggled.

Later on, Cinderella is about to make her grand entrance into the ballroom.  There she stands in her splendid blue ball gown, and it is marvelous.  Hannah and I were both a little jealous of that dress.   (And I don't even like ruffles and lace and all that girly stuff!). Anyway, Cinderella is showing a fair bit of cleavage as she prepares herself to enter.  Again, my girl floors me with her observation:  "Mom, she has boobs.   No, wait,  I mean, she has cooties."

Cinderella has cooties?  I know what she meant to say, but it amused me a great deal that she got her words all mixed up.  There is that curious mix of big and little girl again.  How can she be all curled up in my lap and be talking about boobs, cooties, and hotness?  The contrast just makes me shake my head in wonder and disbelief.

When we got home, we still had some time before bedtime.  Since the boys were out playing racquetball (having their own time together), I figured she would want to do a craft or paint our nails.  I was even mentally preparing myself for her to paint my nails-something I have a really hard time letting her do.  A control thing, I guess.  Instead of doing either of these things, she asked if we could play Monopoly.  She had never played it before, but she had been wanting to play it for about a week or more.  Another surprise for me...I was not expecting her to choose such a grown up game.  And, for the record, she needed some help counting the money, but she was a total shark otherwise.  (Takes after her dad like that, I do believe!)  We were having a lot of fun playing so I was going to let her keep playing instead of doing our normal bedtime routine.  No, she wanted her regular routine, reading a book together with her on my lap and me rubbing her back and stroking her hair until she falls asleep.  Back to the little girl again...

I was reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst this morning called, Am I Messing Up My Kids?  In there, she was talking about how our children are like rainbows.  Brightly colored gifts from God, but they are fleeting.   This really struck a chord with me.  I don't want to be the kind of mom who one day wakes to finds her kids grown and realizes that I didn't spend enough time with them.  This kind of one-on-one is hard to come by, but I really cherish it.

Every tomorrow brings a little less of my little girl and a little bit more the woman she will someday become.  I have heard many, many people talk about how quickly the kids grow up and leave and how it is important to cherish when they are little.  Honestly, I try to appreciate the current stages and phases that we are in, but some moments are more enjoyable than others.  (The way she sassed me last night, for example...) 

Never before have I experienced that feeling of her growing up right before my eyes.  It was a humbling and eye-opening evening for me.  It was a night that reminded me what a treasure my little girl, blessing and challenges and all. 

A night I always want to remember...

It's Not You; It's Me

Dear Phoebe, Joey, Rachel, Ross, Monica, and Chandler,

I have to break up with you.  I know we go back a long way...like twenty years or something.  But the time has come.  We have grown apart.  I have grown up, and you are still sitting in the coffeehouse trying to figure out your life.  I have grown into a woman with a full-time husband, full-time children, a full-time job, and many other full-time responsibilities.  And you are still sitting there in the coffeehouse.

I used to look so forward to our time together each week.  You made me laugh.  Sometimes you made my cry.  (And that's okay...sometimes a good cry is needed.)  We hung out.

And I was blind to something.  I was so caught up in the drama and the one-liners that I totally missed it.  Or maybe I just didn't care then.  I am not sure which.  But I notice it now, and it bothers me now.  And I can't let it go anymore.

You take my LORD's name in vain.  A LOT!  I was watching an episode the other night, and you  did it seven times in twelve minutes.  Seven times in twelve minutes.   That's when I turned it off.  That's when I knew it was time to break up.  For Good.

His Name is being used as a way to express disbelief or incredulity with a situation.   Couldn't you achieve the same effect by saying, "No way!" or "I can't believe it!"  or "Are you serious?"  Those are some of the expressions I use instead.

I can't sit idly by, and let you continue to misuse His name.  I know that I can't change you using it, but I can control whether I listen to it or not.  I can't stand the way you (and so many other people) have cheapened His Holy Name into something so trivial.  

So with that being said, I think it is time for us to see other people.  So long, Friends!

“You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. (Exodus 20:7 NIV)

Fix My Eyes

I have been out of balance this week.  Extra tired.  Cobwebs in the brain.  All week I have felt like I just can't quite get my act together.  I can't seem to get everything accomplished that I normally do.  I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but I can tell.

Actually, I am quite certain that my husband has noticed that the dishes are piling up in both sides of the sink and on the counter.  But he has been gracious enough not to comment.

And my son has definitely noticed that I was slow getting the laundry sorted out to be out away.  Every morning, I have heard, "Mama, I don't have any pants in my drawer.  Can you find me some?"

During a lesson yesterday with just two students, I could not keep track of whose turn it was.  We were playing a simple game to practice sight words, and I messed up the order a handful of times.  With only two students, and I couldn't keep track.  

Okay, okay, okay.  There have been moments that are definitely noticeable to people other than myself.  I am not as "together" as I would like to be, or I am not as "together" as I would like other people to think I am.  Sometimes my friend Ashley Herrin says to me, "You can't be perfect all the time."  Very true words that remind me I am being too hard on myself and that I need to lighten up.  (And she always says them with a smile and a hug so I feel loved and encouraged.)

I was struggling with all this through the week.  I couldn't really figure out how this week was any different than other, and why I was seemingly in a fog.

On top of this muddled, muddy mind, we received a phone call this week that threw us for a real loop.  It was very concerning, and just downright bizarre.  I couldn't stop thinking about it, but I couldn't make any sense of it either.  I hung up the phone and had a thousand more questions than I had answers.  I tried to pray about the situation, but I didn't even know what to pray.  Thankful for the Holy Spirit that intercedes on our behalf when we don't know what to say.

As I pulled into work on Friday, the last song on the radio was Fix My Eyes by For King and Country.  (Click on the link to watch it.)  I closed my eyes and just absorbed the words for a minute.  Fix my eyes on You.  That's when I figured it out.  I had taken my eyes off the One thing that matters most.  It was subtle, and I hadn't even noticed that it was happening.  I had lost my focus this week.

I suddenly felt much better.  My head was clearer, and I relaxed.  I don't have to know all the answers.  I don't have to know all the questions.  God knows.  He has a perfect plan, and He will take care of it.  All of it.  In ways far better than I could understand or plan for.

So, let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.  (Hebrew 12:2). Oh, I just love those words.  The author of my faith.  Jesus is writing my story, and He is not finished yet.  He is the perfecter of my faith, and He won't be finished writing until I am made perfect in His presence when I join Him in Heaven one day.

Wake Up!

This morning I woke up alert and ready to start my day.  No grogginess, no gritty sand feeling in my eyes. No difficult transition from sleep to awake.  One moment I was asleep, and the next moment I nearly jumped out of bed.

This morning I woke up hungry.  Hungry for the Word of God in my life.  Hungry to spend time with Him and see what He has to teach me today.  Hungry for his presence.

I am not, by nature, a morning person.  I don't go bounding out of bed the second the alarm goes off.  It usually takes me a while for my brain to catch up to the fact that my body is no longer sleeping.  It is a common occurrence for me to sit straight up in bed when the alarm goes off.  I usually sit there for a moment or two, trying to find the motivation to get the rest of the way up.  In fact, I have been told that I am not altogether pleasant, and it is a good thing that I get up an hour and a half before the rest of my household.  

As I drifted off to sleep last night, I prayed one of my favorite prayers.  "Dear God, would you please wake me in the morning before everyone else gets up? Would you wake me when the house is still quiet so we can hang out together for a while?"  Yes, those are my words.  I asked God if I can hang out with Him.  Hanging out implies a closeness, a familiarity.  When I hang out with friends, it doesn't really matter what we DO; what matters is the quality time together.  I don't have to come looking like I have it all together.  I just come as I am, flaws and all.  And we talk, and we laugh, and we enjoy being together.

That is how I approached God's throne this morning.  I just wanted to hang out with Him, my Savior, my friend.  I came without any pretenses about who I am.  I just wanted to spend time with Him.  Quality time where we enjoy being together.

I believe that this kind of request is honoring to God.  He wants to spend time with us too.  He wants us to spend time with Him.  He has so much to say if we can just carve the space in our day to clear the distractions and just read, pray, and listen.

And God is faithful.  Every single time I have asked God if we could hang out,  He has answered that prayer.  He wakes me up without an alarm clock.  I am just instantly awake.  There is an energy within me that can only come from one source.  I couldn't go back to sleep, even if I wanted to.

He doesn't wake me up at the same time each time.  And it is never the same time that I normally get up through the week when I do use an alarm clock.  I am always amazed at His timing.  I get up.  I spend my time with Him.  And as I feel like our time is wrapping up, I start thinking about other things I could do while it is quiet in the house.  And then I hear little feet padding down the hallway.  God planned this out to the very minute that one or both of my children would wake up.  I love that about Hm; I find it both amazing and amusing.

So this morning, on my day off, I am up early.  VERY VERY EARLY.  God woke me up so we could hang out today.  And it has been great.  No matter what happens the rest of the day, I have spent time with the One who made me.  I have made that relationship a priority today.

I challenge you to try asking God to wake you up sometime just to spend time together.  I think you will be pleased with the results!

Now

Over the last few days, I have seen several people post their word to focus on in 2015.  I liked this idea and wanted to participate.  I didn't want to be influenced by anyone else's word so I have intentionally avoided reading anything that made a reference to #oneword.  (But I will go back to read them...I promise.)

So what is my word?  I tried several things out in my head, but none seemed quite right.

Smile:  I used to describe myself as someone who smiled a lot, but I don't know that it is still a fitting description.  Stress, chaotic schedules, worry...these things steal my smile every day.  I would like to find it back someday.

Patience:  This seems to be lost in the same place as my smile.  If I could be patient with others (especially the ones I live with), maybe that would make it easier to smile throughout the day.

Gentleness:  Maybe this is my word.  A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

Peace? Joy? Trust?   No, no, and no.  These are all good things, but it just doesn't feel right.

Pray:  Well, if I could pray without ceasing like Paul tells us in First Thessalonians and make my requests with praise and thanksgiving like he says in Philippians, I am sure that would solve a whole host of other problems.  

Oh, man.  I just don't know.  Maybe my word should be Indecision?  Or Procrastination?  Wait, I am already quite skilled in those areas.  This is supposed to be an area to improve.

I spent three days mulling this over and wrestling it out in my mind.  I was still trying to settle on something when I went to bed two nights ago.  At the precise moment when I was the perfect combination of cozy warm, comfortable, and drowsy, I remembered that one of the pillows that my husband uses was on the couch.  Because I had used it last.

Now, this was a tough moment for me.  It would have been so easy to just close my eyes and drift off. He would never even know.  He was still watching TV downstairs.  What's the big deal, right?  It is just a pillow, and it would only be for one night.  And did I mention how very comfortable I was?  But it is his pillow, and I knew he would be searching for it.  I also knew I would never get back to that exact position in bed again.

Now, that's when I remembered the verse from James that says if you know something is right, and you don't do it, that is a sin.  Ouch!  So if I just fall asleep right this moment, it is a sin.  I know it is the right thing to do to get up and get the pillow.  Now I can't keep laying there, no matter how comfortable I am.  Double ouch!

After I got the silly pillow, I smiled.  My word is NOW.   It feels good to do the right thing at the right time. In the grand scheme of life, there are much bigger things than whether I got the pillow or not.  I know that.   But in that particular moment, the right thing was for me to get out of bed and return the pillow to where it should be.  Putting my husband's needs before my own-that is definitely the right thing.

When I hear the whispering of the Holy Spirit leading me to act,  I want to learn how to act NOW.  When I wait,  I lose my conviction.  I forget why I thought it was important.  I talk myself out of it.  I make excuses. I get too busy.  How many opportunities have I missed to do the LORD'S work just because I did not follow through right then?

So NOW encompasses a need to act.  It encompasses trust and obedience.  Do it now.

But there is more meaning to this word for me.

NOW, as a noun, is also fitting for me.  I see this as a call to be fully present in the moment.  Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, be fully present in that moment.  If I could learn to turn my worries and anxieties over to God, I would be more mentally available to relax and enjoy the moment in front of me. If I could learn to focus on the one thing in front of me instead of the hundred other things I need to do, I would be more fully present in the NOW.

I know if I am obedient to His calling NOW and if I focus on each moment as a gift for right NOW, then I am likely to be more trusting, more gentle, smile more.  This one word, NOW, perfectly sums up all the other things I was trying to make my #oneword be.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  Ephesians 3:20-21

P.S.  The irony is not lost on me that it took three days to come up with the word NOW, and four more for me to get the post written!

365

Did you know that there are 365 verses in the Bible that tell us not to be afraid?  One verse for every day of the year...except Leap year, of course.

I have learned this fact recently from my kids' Christmas program "Fact or Fiction: The Christmas Edition." (Super cute and well-done by the CWKids, by the way.)  Actually, I have learned it more than five times a week over the last two months!  Call me a slow learner, but I think I needed to hear that.  I am not sure it would have sunk in if I had only heard it once or twice.

I am just intrigued by this.  I can't stop thinking about it.   One Scripture every day that says do not be afraid.  I am amazed about what that says about our God.  He knew.  He knew we would be prone to fear and worry, and He planned for that.  It just blows me away that his level of detail-planning includes telling us not to fear.  I think He knew that this would be something people struggle with on a daily basis.  So He provided words for us to turn to, words of comfort, that tell us not to be afraid.

Joshua 1:9 tells us not to be afraid or discouraged; be strong and courageous.  God is with us wherever we go.  It is one thing to tell somebody not to be afraid.  It is another thing entirely to tell them  not to be afraid because they are not alone.  God is with us wherever we go.  He had already paved the way.  He is by our side.  

Thinking about the 365 verses makes me want to go look them all up.  (Putting that on the "someday" list...can't quite get that done right now.). But even if I don't know all of them, or even some of them, I know they are there, and I find that comforting.  I CAN go find them if I need them.

Not if I need them.  When I need them.  I will need them.  Just today I have had the fears that an inattentive driver was going to hit me in the school parking lot.  That I would not know how to help a new student I am tutoring.  That my kids are a little short on gratitude and a bit big on self-centeredness lately.  That Todd's cancer might come back someday and we won't be on top of it as we were the first time.  That I won't get all of my stuff done before Christmas.  

Big fears, little fears, medium fears.  There are things that I fear every single day.  Some of them are irrational; some are a little more understandable.  Either way, when the fear starts to take over,  I have to remind myself to turn back to the Word.  Some days that is easier than others.  When I am really feeling anxious, I can only come up with two or three verses.  It is the same ones all the time, but they soothe me.  They speak to me.  Psalm 23, Proverbs 3:5-6, Jeremiah 29:11, Philippians 4:7. And 1 Peter 5:7 are my "go to" verses.  No matter how many times I hear those, they still help calm a restless and worried spirit.

When I am too worked up to be able to do this for myself, I have learned to reach out to certain people.  "Pray for me.  I am struggling."  Those words never fail to elicit a response.  Just a simple text and I can set my personal team of prayer warriors into action.  I receive responses back that let me know that it will be okay.  When I can't think straight enough to put two thoughts together because I am gripped with fear or anxiety, my "people" point me back with a hug, a word of encouragement, or a well-timed verse.

God does not want us to be afraid.  He wants us to be joyful.  He wants us to trust in Him.  He already has it all figured out.  First John 4:18 tell us that perfect love casts out fear.  When I am afraid, I need to realign myself with the One who is Perfect Love.