Psalm 139:11-12 - The 31 Day Challenge

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you."

These two verses have been the hardest for me to memorize.  It is a bit like a riddle that needs untangling or a puzzle to be solved.  My brain just cannot quite get the words in the right spot.

I recently realized that I had become so focused on trying to get the words straight in my head that I was missing the message.  Trying again to commit it to my memory, I said just those two verses over and over.  The light began to dawn in my head.  (Pun totally intended here!)  

Where can I go to hide from the light?  Logically, we might think we could hide in the dark, but spiritually that is never going to work.  We cannot hide from God.  Even when we are cloaked in the darkness of this world, we still cannot hide from Him.

There are so many verses that talk about light in the Bible from the beginning to the end.  Light is part of the Creation story:  God said, "Let there be light," and there was.  God is the Creator of the physical concept of light.  But it is so much more than that.  Isaiah prophesies that a great light will shine in the darkness.  John the Baptist declares that he prepares a path for the light of the one who is to come.  And then, of course, Jesus himself, "I am the light of the world."  Revelation 21 reveals that when Jesus returns, He will shine so brightly that we won't even need the sun or moon.

So when I think of Jesus being the Light in Psalm 139, it makes more sense to me.  The darkness and night in these verses are talking more about spiritual darkness than anything else.  Jesus is the Light of the World. There is no corner too hidden, no crevice too deep, no far-off space that He cannot-and will not-go.  Nothing is too dark for Him.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gives the familiar words about being a light to others.  Don't light a lamp, and put it under a bushel basket.  Light that lamp and set it on top of a hillside where others will be drawn to it.  Reflect His glory through your words and actions.

Not sure where to go?  Jesus will direct your paths.  "Your word is a lamp unto my path and a light unto my feet." (Psalm 119). He will give you enough light for you to keep putting one foot in front of the other; just trust in Him and He will show you the way, one step at a time.

Open up your heart, and let Jesus the Light of the World shine in it and through it!

(Anybody else suddenly feel like singing "This Little Light of Mine"?)

Psalm 139:7-10 -The 31 Day Challenge

"Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;  if I made my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Psalm 139:7-10

I love this passage because it shows how God is everywhere.  How high can you go?  All the way to the Heavens?  God is there.  If you get up early on the wings of the dawn, God is already there before you.  If you travel way across the sea to the other side of the world, guess what?  He was there before you ever left.

I most love the phrase " If I make my bed in the depths, you are there."  Even at my lowest moments, God is still right there holding me fast.

Ever lost a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly?  I have.  The first time I remember ever having to deal with death is when a favorite cousin committed suicide.  He was 17; I was 14.  I remember that phone call like it was yesterday.

Ever lost a bunch of loved ones in a short space of time?  I have.  Following my cousin's unexplainable, unfathomable death, I lost three grandparents and a great-grandparent in less than two years.  Not only was there so much to grieve,  I didn't even know how to grieve.  There would have been plenty of people to help me if I had just asked.  But I was so unfamiliar with the whole process of death that I didn't even know it was still okay to be sad after the funeral was over.  So I hid it way down in the depths of my being.

Ever been divorced?  I have.  Multiply grieving the loss of a loved one times the pain of feeling like an ultimate failure, of letting people down, of disappointing yourself, of disappointing God...that is about where I was at that time in my life.  

Ever been betrayed by someone you thought was a friend?  Too many times.  I haven't always been good at choosing my friends.  The people I have been drawn to throughout my life have not always been people that were good for me.

Ever been fired?  Me too.  I know I am not perfect, but I still don't think they had a reason to fire me.  That one is still hard for me to swallow sometimes.

There are some pretty dark times in my life.  Times of loss, personal upheaval, confusion, bewilderment, insecurity, anger, bitterness, and loneliness.  Not only was I sad, depressed, or whatever, but I camped out there.  I made my bed in the depths.  Even though I was miserable, I got kind-of comfortable there.  It was hard to leave.

I may have been lonely, but I was never alone.  I may have been sad, but God's hand held me fast.  He never let go of me.  He held me tight.  He was always there.  He is always there.  He will always be there.  He carried me through those valleys, those deserts, those shadows.  One day at a time.  One step at a time.  Eventually I found my way out and was stronger for it.

King David asked, "Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can. I flee from your presence?"  The question I ask now is "Why would I want to?"

Psalm 139:6--The 31 Day Challenge

"Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."

                                  Psalm 139:6

I do not know everything.  My children ask me questions all the time that I cannot answer.  Questions like:

 "Why do cicadas sleep for seventeen years?

"What if there was a hurricane so big that it knocked our house down?  
(Hurricanes are not that much of a worry in the middle of the Midwest, but they asked me anyway.)

"Would it be weird if there was a tornado inside a tornado inside another tornado?"

"Why do some daddies not have any hair and some daddies have lots of hair?"

What are power lines for and how do they work?"

"Why does she get invited to so many birthday parties and I don't get invited to any?"

"Why does it have to rain today?"

"Why does 8 come after 7?"

Some of those I have a rudimentary knowledge, but not enough to be able to explain it in kid terms to my children.  If I know the answer, I try to explain it.  (Ever tried to explain male-pattern baldness to a six-year-old...while driving?)  If I don't know the answer, I will probably say, "I don't know, but we can Google it later."  

A lot of times my answer is "Because God made it that way."  Sometimes that feels like an easy way out, but it's true.  I do not have any idea why cicadas sleep for that long, but I know the One who knows the answer. I use that time to keep pointing my children back to God.  He is the Creator.  He has a divine purpose in everything He makes.  Even though we do not always understand or be able to explain, God has a plan and a purpose.

Picture from cdn.morguefile.com

I have always heard that a bumblebee should not be able to fly.  According to the laws of motion, aerodynamics, gravity or whatever, a bumblebee's body is out of proportion to its wingspan.  Logically speaking, its body is too heavy to be carried by the short wings.  But it flies anyway...  A testimony to God's design and beauty.

I actually love that I do not know all the answers.  Our God is so powerful, so creative, so full of wisdom, that I can rest on faith that He knows the answers that I do not.  He created everything, and He knows why certain things are the way they are.  I do not have to know all the answers or try to control everything.  "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."

Psalm 139:5 - The 31 Day Challenge

Van Photo taken from http://www.saffordofwinchester.com/2012-chrysler-town-and-country-near-leesburg-martinsburg.htm

I drove home late from work with a lot on my mind.  I don't ever mind the drive back and forth to work, except when it is night time.  I get a little antsy, even though it is a familiar path.  I did hit someone's beloved black lab once on that route, and I don't ever want to repeat that experience.  I cried the rest of the way home that night!

Anyway, this particular night found my heart full of worry, and my head giving in to a hundred different fears.  I turned the radio off, and I began to pray.

"Father God, would you please calm my heart and my mind so I can get safely home?  I ask for your love and protection to surround this van.  I pray that you would guard me from any careless and inattentive drivers -- including myself -- and that you would prevent any animals from needing to cross the road in my path."

A moment later this verse popped into my head.  You hem me in--behind and before.  You have laid your hand upon me.  That's right:  it is from Psalm 139.  I had just memorized verse 5 two days before.   Another example of how much I need the words in this Psalm.  I smiled, laughed, and almost cried at how God keeps putting these words in front of me in so many different ways from so many different sources.

You hem me in--behind and before.  You have laid your hand upon me.  This is a perfect verse for driving.  I envisioned God in front of me, behind me, and on every side with his hand gently on my back guiding me all the way home.  I imagined angel wings coming out the side of the van, and I felt like I was carried home by a whole heavenly host.

We have a God who promises to provide all our needs.  This particular night, I needed a little help getting home.  I love His creativity in answering my prayer.  Not only did He answer my prayer by providing safe travel, but He did it in a unique and personal way for me.  He loves me that much!

Psalm 139:4 - The 31 Day Challenge

"Before a word is on my tongue, You know it completely, O LORD."

Psalm 139:4

This verse makes me squirm a little.  How many times in any given day do I have something mean to say to someone or about someone?  I am not a confrontational person at all, and I don't (often) intend to hurt someone's feelings.  I am pretty sensitive to others' words to me, and I don't want to be the cause of people being upset because of something I said.  So I keep most of those things in my head where they should be.

But God already knows those hurtful things I had in my head, even when I don't speak them.  Ouch!   Even when I am trying to have some self-control, God still knows when I fall short and where I disappoint.  I want to  please Him.  I desire what He wants and treat people accordingly, but I find myself standing in His way so many times.

I have to remind myself that I am on a journey.  As I walk through life, I grow in my faith.  I am still so far from being like Christ.  But when I look at where I was twenty years ago, or ten years ago, or even five years ago, I have made a lot of progress.

Not only does God know the unkind words that I say or think, but He also knows all the other ones as well.  He knows every time I thought about saying something kind or helpful or encouraging and ended up not saying it.  He knows when I tried to say the right words, and they came out all garbled up.  He knows the times when I attempted to tell someone about His love and got all tongue-tied.

He knows my heart, good and bad.  Whether I get it right or wrong in a moment, it does not make Him love me any more..or any less.  His grace is sufficient for me.

Over time, I have found that the more I fill myself with His Word through my daily activities, the more likely I am able to say or do something that reflects His will and glory.  In the book of Matthew, Jesus tells us that, "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."  In order for me to have loving, kind, encouraging words flowing out of my mouth, I have to check my heart first and make sure that it is acceptable and pleasing to God.

Psalm 139:2-3 - The 31 Day Challenge

You know when I sit and when I rise; you are familiar with all my ways.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

                    Psalm 139:2-3

Each morning I have my quiet time with God.  I intentionally do this first each day.  That way, no matter what else happens, the rest of the day, at least I got that done.  When I don’t do it first, it is all too easy not to do it at all.  Plus, it sets a tone for the rest of my day.  It gives me perspective and perhaps a little more grace, a little more kindness and joy for the rest of the day.

Taken early one morning out my back door

I read my daily Bible passage.  I pray.  I journal.  I write my blog.  I work on various Bible studies.  What I do during this time is not the same every day.  Some days it is long; some days it is shorter.

My goal every day is to finish all this before anyone else is up.  My day goes better if I do that.  It is tricky sometimes because my kids have always been early risers.  They are both usually up by 6:30.  For them to sleep past 7 (even when they don’t have to be up) is rare.  That means I have to be pretty intentional about getting up before them; it is not going to happen automatically.  On school days, I just set the alarm and get up, but there’s just something about getting up to an alarm on a Saturday or a summer day.  I just don’t want to do that!  Even when I tried to guess what time to set an alarm, I could never guess right.  I would either be up WAY too early, or they would get up just minutes after I started moving.

This is what I do instead.  As I’m going to sleep, I ask God to wake me up the next day.  It’s an idea I first got from Ginger Harland a while back.  It sounds something like this:  “Dear God, would you please wake me up in the morning before everyone else is awake so we can hang out and spend some time together?”  Yes, those are usually the words I say.  I ask God if I can hang out with Him.  And you know what?  God likes hanging out with me too.  I think this type of request is honoring and pleasing to God.  When I remember to ask God to wake me up in order to hang out, He has NEVER failed to wake me.  Never.  Why?  Because He is faithful.  When I forget to ask Him, he doesn’t wake me.  It is that simple step of me asking that shows how when we draw near to God, He draws near to us.  He is already there, but He wants us to seek Him, to show that the relationship is important to us, too.

God’s timing always amazes and amuses me.  It is not the exact time each day, but it is consistently 30-45 minutes before everyone else is up.  As I’m finishing up my quiet time, I find myself thinking, “The house is so quiet.  I could read or crochet or go back to sleep…”   And then I hear doors open and feet coming down the hallway.  It makes me smile every time.  It’s as if God is telling me that He didn’t wake me up so I could spend time by myself.  

He knows when I rise and wakes me up accordingly.  He doesn't just know when I rise; He knows when my children rise too.  He is the perfect alarm clock because He never wakes me up too early or too late.  His timing is perfect.  Every time.  He is not slow in keeping His promises.

One night recently, I was extremely tired.  I hadn't slept well in a week or more, and I just couldn't do anymore.  I went to bed shortly after the kids, which was pretty early for me.  Without even realizing what I was really doing, I asked God to bless my sleep that night.  Instead of asking Him to wake me up, I asked Him to help me sleep.  I don't remember ever asking that before but bless my sleep He did!  I slept soundly from about 10 that night until 9 the next morning!  I slept for 11 hours straight.  

God knew.  He knows my rising and my lying down.  I desperately needed a good night' sleep, and He delivered.  Just another way that He knows me full well and provides all my needs.

Psalm 139:1 - The 31 Day Challenge

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me."  

 Psalm 139:1

 

      The Lord has searched me, and He knows me.  Does that scare you?  Does it make you uncomfortable to think that the LORD knows you?  Are you afraid of what He will find there?

     There was a time when I would have identified with those thoughts.  A time in my life when I carried guilt and shame around with me everywhere I went.  I did not want God to search me for fear of what He might find.  Even I didn't want to search my inner thoughts and feelings because I did not like what was there.

  

     As I have grown in my faith and in my walk with God, I can embrace this verse.  I am not uneasy when I think about God searching me because He made me.  He knows how I work, how I fit all together, how I think and feel.  I have always struggled with insecurity.  From feeling like I didn't fit in to feeling like I might mess up or feeling like everyone around me is performing better than I am, it has been like a broken record playing in my head.  At times, this has driven me to be better, and at times, it has crippled me. 

     This last summer I found myself struggling even more:  Am I being a good mother?  Why can't I get (and keep) the house clean?  Why does every day seem so hard?  Why are my kids arguing and backtalking so much?  I must be doing something wrong.  Why am I so overwhelmed?  Why can't I just get it together?

     As I sat through different speakers at Declare Conference and through personal meditation, God began to show me something new.  God made me.  Fearfully.  Wonderfully.  Perfectly.

     Please don't misunderstand.  I am not saying He made me perfect.  There is only One who is perfect.   But He made made me perfectly.  Without mistakes.  By design.

     The areas within myself that I see as weaknesses were put there on purpose.  The places that I see as flaws are not flaws in God's eyes.  Second Corinthians 12:9 says that His power is made perfect in my weaknesses.  So those spots where I feel inadequate are actually spots where I can lean in to God and let His power and glory shine through me.

     I love how this verse is written.  "O LORD, you have searched me."    Notice the past tense.  It is completed--He has already searched me.  He has seen all the places deep and dark and murky within.  "...and you know me."  Present tense.  I absolutely love that.  He knows me.  Presently.  Currently.  Even after searching me.

     He didn't search me and then decide to quit associating with me.  He didn't search me and say, "Whoa.  You are too messed up for me."  No, He searched me, and He knows me still.  Recognizing that everything within me was put there by the Master and Creator on purpose - for His purpose - has allowed me to examine some of those lies I have told myself for so long, and to begin to let them go.

     Those insecurities have run deep for a long time, and I'm sure I will still struggle with this again in the future, but I have felt more at peace with who I am in the last two months.  I feel more "me" than I ever have.

     When those thoughts begin to surface, I have a new mantra I tell myself.  I take a deep breath and say:

     I am enough.  He is more than enough.  I am enough.  He is more than enough.  I am enough.