Muddle

Muddle.

I don't have a lot of associations I can draw on for the word muddle.  The only thing I can think of is "muddle through."  Muddle through is not a super positive association.  For me, it means that you are going to do something, even though you don't feel comfortable with it or you really don't know what you are doing.

That is exactly how I have felt the last couple of weeks.  Each Thursday morning, I meet with some beautiful and wonderful friends for an early-morning Bible study.  We are doing a really thought-provoking study right now.  We are in the middle of Forgotten God by Francis Chan.  This book is really making me examine some of my thoughts and beliefs and even my desires.

But I feel so under qualified to lead this study, especially the last chapter we have been working on "Theology of the Holy Spirit."  I don't feel like I know much about the Holy Spirit, and I certainly haven't been trained in theology.  Now I do my homework, and I prepare a lesson each week.  But still...

When I am getting ready for each week's lesson, I feel like someone else should be leading it because I just don't know enough.  I just have to muddle through it.

I have shared those feelings with my group, and they know where I am in my walk.  Each week I pray over the lesson and the people in the study. I ask, with all my heart, that the Holy Spirit will be present to guide our discussion and to fill in where I fall short.  

And you know what?  He has delivered in a way that only He can.  It's not about me.  It's all about Him.  I think our discussion the last three weeks have been far better than when I feel more confident.

I guess I will just have to keep on muddling through...and let the Holy Spirit do the rest.